A Message From the Chairwoman of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee

I peaked, size wise, at the age of 10, when I bought my first training bra — that, with a bit of a tug across the torso, could certainly fit my bust line today. Vacillating between the funny gray area of a size 32AA and 32A (depending on the time of the month), as an adult woman my breasts hardly heave, but rather… » 3/17/14 7:00pm 3/17/14 7:00pm

A Million Pink Ribbons Have Done Nothing for Black Women

Pink crap-drunk America was busy Racing For The Cure for the last 30 years, one race has been left behind in the fight against breast cancer: black women. In 2013, black women are still twice as likely to die from the disease than their white counterparts. Twice. As. Likely. That's a fucking disgrace. » 12/20/13 5:45pm 12/20/13 5:45pm

The Anonymous Woman Whose Breast Was on the New York Times Speaks

Last week, the upper torso of an anonymous woman appeared on the front page of the New York Times — and caused a bit of a stir. While the woman remains anonymous, she has written a letter responding to Times readers. » 12/02/13 5:00pm 12/02/13 5:00pm

Tweeting Bra Lets World Know When Someone Gets To 2nd Base

Protective parents, this is the technological breakthrough you’ve been waiting for: a bra with a Bluetooth device on the clasp that sends a tweet whenever a horny mook unhooks your daughter’s bra. You can probably even customize it to tweet a message at your local police precinct, something like: “my daughter is about … » 10/28/13 11:00am 10/28/13 11:00am

Boobs Age Faster Than the Rest of Your Body, Because Nature Is a Dick

Back when I was in my early 20s, before I became the proud, dazzling, professional, skirt-suited woman-scholar that I am today (i.e. a hungry, unshowered, still-in-bed hangover-crone who's only managed to make it to semi-vertical today despite having had to pee for literally four hours), I used to make this joke in… » 10/22/13 10:40am 10/22/13 10:40am

Fun Breast Cancer® Awareness™ Products That Can Cause Breast Cancer®

Breast Cancer®, the America's Sweetheart of deadly, disfiguring diseases that it is, inspires a deluge of pink junk for sale every October. Some of that pink junk, in addition to being ugly, cloying, and infantilizing, contains chemicals that have been linked to boobs full of tumors. No Awareness™ like the Awareness™… » 10/15/13 1:40pm 10/15/13 1:40pm

Ban on Female Fighters' Breast Implants Enacted For Douchiest Reasons

Last week, the Louisiana State Boxing and Wrestling Commission issued an "emergency rule" barring women who have breast implants from competing in MMA fights unless they have express written permission from the doctors who performed their surgery. Why? For the douchiest, stupidest possible reasons. » 9/16/13 1:40pm 9/16/13 1:40pm

Side Eye: Boobsman Superhero Feels Up Strange Women on the Street

A Polish comedian dubbed himself "Boobsman" and filmed a video in which he runs around "protecting the health of women's breasts," i.e. squeezing strangers' boobs on the street. If anyone in a cape felt me up without warning (or with, really) I would not respond by giggling, which is what most of these women do, which… » 8/19/13 8:30pm 8/19/13 8:30pm

Today in Good Ideas: Post-Mastectomy Bat-Nipples

It’s probably pretty difficult for women facing a double mastectomy to marshall the soul-cleansing gallows-humor people use to deal with tragic shit, but fun nipple tattoos certainly help, especially if those fun nipple tattoos are fun Batman-themed nipple tattoos. » 8/15/13 9:45pm 8/15/13 9:45pm

Bra Sizing Makes No Goddamn Sense. We Have to Game the System.

Hoo boy. Strap yourselves in* for what's to come, because I've found myself down on the floor beating my wee fists and kicking my tiny hooves in toddler-style frustration while trying to sort through WHAT IN THE WORLD IS UP WITH THIS CUP SIZE BUSINESS????? » 8/01/13 2:50pm 8/01/13 2:50pm

Beyond Cleavage: The Golden Age of Innerboob, Sideboob, & Underboob

It's basically impossible to keep up with the terminology used to exactly describe what part of a woman's breasts are visible to the world. And if you don't know what words to use, how can you properly describe exactly which part of that part of you looked so phenomenal the last time you rocked it? In order to right… » 6/25/13 2:00pm 6/25/13 2:00pm