As you may recall, Helen of Troy was super hot. Like, the hottest. She was the daughter of Leda, a human woman, and Zeus, a god who took the form of a swan to impregnate Leda. (???) Later, Helen was *hatched* from a bird's egg. Her face was the one that "launched a thousand ships," which is a metaphor for boners. Or…

7:39 p.m: Secretary of State John Kerry's wife and Heinz heiress Teresa Heinz Kerry was rushed to a Massachusetts hospital at around 3:30 this afternoon, according to the AP via Buzzfeed. The 74-year-old Kerry, who has been stabilized but remains in critical condition, had been staying at the family's vacation house…

Troy and Gabriella are no more. It's okay if you need to cry, we're all in this together. Sniffle.

When it rains, it pours: a mere week after the announcement of Al and Tipper Gore's separation, sources close to the family confirm that their eldest daughter, Karenna Gore Schiff, is also separating from her husband of 12 years. [People]

According to "sources close to the investigation," the autopsy findings rule out the possibility that model Daul Kim could have been murdered. This news may help quiet speculation that Kim was killed by an abusive boyfriend. [AP]

More here, more later [TMZ]

Early reports say he suffered cardiac arrest, is in "really bad shape" and was not breathing when paramedics arrived. More later. [LA Times, TMZ]

Around 2am this morning, an ambulence picked up Josh Hartnett from Chateau Marmont in Hollywood. He said he had abdominal pain, but was seen walking into the ambulance. He was taken to Cedars-Sinai hospital. [TMZ]

A source says Madonna's split with Guy Ritchie was "a long time coming." The source claims that there were lots of issues, including the fact that Madge and Yankees star Alex Rodriguez have a "strange relationship" that is "spiritual, emotional and romantic." Barf. Oh, and this just in: Madonna and A-Rod are going to…

Breaking: The Secret Service is looking into the threat made against Barack Obama's life. As previously reported, someone shouted, "Kill him!" at a McCain/Palin event. Secret Service spokesman Malcolm Wiley says, "We investigate everything because we take all threats seriously." [Radar]

[Drudge]

This just in! Jessica Alba has finally dragged her boyfriend to the altar married Cash Warren. The kids were wed on Monday. They met in 2004 while Jess was filming Fantastic Four and have been on-again and off-again, but got engaged in December of 2007. Jessica is expecting a daughter this summer. Guess she's a good…

Scarlett Johansson's rep has confirmed that the actress (whose album drops May 20) is indeed betrothed to Ryan Reynolds, whose sheer physical perfection will not be noted, because that would be shallow. Not to mention plain-old objectifying, which is not cool. Anyway. Last we heard they were on the rocks but it seems…

What's that banner ad getting the way of your Kristin Davis porn? Oh look, it's for Disney Resorts. Maybe you should take the kids this year! Anyway, this screenshot, and many more if you click, come to us courtesy the investigative journalism of the DrunkenStepfather, who found them surfing the putrid site Egotastic…

Exiled Pakistani leader Benazir Bhutto was killed in a suicide bombing today. She wasn't killed by the bombing itself, of course, she was killed by a bullet wound to the neck. Not leaving anything to chance, these Bhutto- haters! You'll recall that Bhutto had returned to Pakistan two months back after making…