Jezebel
Tweenage Wasteland
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bratz
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Tweenage Wasteland
the week that was
After This Week, We Never Want To Hear The Words "Manolo" or "Cosmo" Ever Again
- Unless you're living in a closet on Mars, you know that the Sex and the City movie premiered today.
- Slut Machine live blogged it wearing flip flops and eating some skittles. Suck on that, Louboutin wearers.
- The only part of the Sex and the City franchise that we're not sick of is Pat Field and her fabulous, gay, Payless lifestyle.
- Tyra Banks revealed her plans for world domination in the New York Times.
- TyTy sort of looked like a Bratz doll on that Times Mag cover; Bratz are also involved in world domination schemes
tweenage wasteland
Does This Look Like "Intellectual" Property To You?
I'm supposed to be in court in Riverside County, California right now. See, a few years ago I wrote this thing about how the Bratz dolls, the first dolls in the history of slutty-looking dolls to unseat Barbie for slutty looking doll hegemony (and the career ender of numerous highly remunerated Mattel executives), were actually masterminded inside the Mattel design center. Apparently they were scrapped because upper management didn't want to do anything to "cannibalize" their Barbie brand so the idea went nowhere and a doll designer took it to this guy who owned a scrappy little toy company that mostly specialized in competing for third and fourth tier licensing rights — like say, the right to manufacture keychains featuring crude electronic games bedecked in Pokemon logos — and that guy, with the help of a few more designers and a few thousand Shenzhen factory workers, turned the sketches into a multibillion dollar property. Well, Mattel is a litigious company — they were once known to sue Barbie fan clubs for trademark infringement — and when they read my story they apparently launched some sort of investigation and eventually sued the Bratz guys. Last summer I got deposed. More »
toy stories
Barbie Sales Flatten Worldwide -- Are Bratz & Miss Bimbo To Blame?
Several financial news outlets are discussing Mattel's falling first-quarter results, and most place the blame squarely on the slim shoulders of a certain doll named Barbie. Barbie, which was introduced in 1959, is now first-runner-up for the under-12 set, in part because of competition from edgier, increasingly-popular brands like Bratz and Hannah Montana dolls and in part because of the emergence of web-based toys. According to Portfolio, "Children want Web-based toys, and they want them at younger and younger ages" the magazine cites the success of interactive toys like Webkinz, and let's not forget the potential pleasures of Miss Bimbo). But the real reason Portfolio believes that Barbie is no longer the reigning beauty queen in toy world is because "at 49, Barbie is becoming obsolete." More »
tweenage wastelands
New Game Encourages Young Girls To Embrace Their Inner "Bimbo"
There's a new game in England and France for girls ages 9 to 16, and it's so raunchy it makes Bratz dolls look positively Pollyanna-ish. Called "Miss Bimbo", the game is essentially an online competition in which each registered player is given a "Bimbo" all her own to take care of — sort of like those Tamagotchi pets, but, well, not. According to Miss Bimbo rules, the goal of the game is to make your Bimbo the " the hottest of hot Bimbos," which involves dating "that famous hottie," becoming a "socialite and skyrocket[ing] to the top of fame and popularity," and even resorting "to meds or plastic surgery", because girls should "Stop at nothing to become the reigning bimbo!" According to CNN, "Breast implants sell at 11,500 bimbo dollars and net the buyer 2,000 bimbo attitudes, making her more popular on the site." More »
living dolls
Barbies (And Barbies On Booze) Are Big Business
The Barbie 2-in-1 party Plane & Ship, marketed for girls ages 3 to 8, comes with martini glasses, bar stools and a disco scene, notes the Packaging Girlhood blog. The blog makes the argument that unlike the Bratz, who also have a party plane, Barbies are adults; they may drink and go clubbing, but little girls understand that these activities are for grown-ups, not children. But is pushing drinks to 3-year-olds going a step too far? Meanwhile, despite its massive recalls last year, Barbie parent company Mattel is reporting that fourth-quarter profits are up 15%, according to The New York Times. The company has huge tax benefits to thank, but people continue to buy this stuff, especially internationally. (Barbie sales are down in the United States by 12%, but up 4% globally.) And guess what? Profits in the wholesome American Girl division are down 2%! More »
rag trade
Watch Out Christiane Amanpour: Here Comes Naomi Campbell
- So that's what Naomi Campbell was doing in Venezuela: interviewing Hugo Chavez for British GQ. Now they're sending her to talk to Fidel Castro. Is this a fucking joke? And if not, does she realize the whole Latin American socialist alliance thing is like, kinda last season? [Vogue UK]
- Selling real fur as "faux": clever move, Neiman and Saks! [Consumerist]
- On the heels of an ELLE redesign, Vogue is undergoing some design "tweaking" of its own. [WWD, 1st item]
- Agyness Deyn is the face of — well, the whole entire fucking universe, including the Armani cell phone. [Sassybella]
The woman with the best makeup wins in Bratz world! Babble.com points us to the "educational" Bratz "Election Perfection" version of the Quantum LeapPad learning system, which seems like it's a computerized sort of notebook filled with learning games. Kids today with their technology! Anyway, the Bratzified LeapPad is apparently teaching decimals through the story of "Superstylin' Sasha" running for class president. "Join the girls as they mix their own makeup, design the best fashions, study up on women in leadership and go on a shopping trip — all to help Sasha win the election," the LeapPad website boasts. Hopefully the skankified Bratz can learn a lesson about leadership AND tasteful makeup from Hillary's pretty purple eyeshadow [Babble]
Toy Story
In a focus group conducted in the UK by toy manufacturer Martin Yaffe, children were invited to play with what are expected to be this year's popular Christmas toys. Seven out of 10 girls chose to play with toys "designed for boys." The girls preferred Bob The Builder Snap Trax to Barbie and Bratz. Of course, a spokeswoman at the toy company is thrilled, saying, "It seems that stereotypes... no longer apply — opening up a whole new element of choice for parents when shopping for their daughters this Christmas!" Unfortunately, there's no word on whether any boys liked Barbie or Bratz. Also: Maybe the Bob The Builder set — with working car wash! — is just more fun? [The F Word]
In a focus group conducted in the UK by toy manufacturer Martin Yaffe, children were invited to play with what are expected to be this year's popular Christmas toys. Seven out of 10 girls chose to play with toys "designed for boys." The girls preferred Bob The Builder Snap Trax to Barbie and Bratz. Of course, a spokeswoman at the toy company is thrilled, saying, "It seems that stereotypes... no longer apply — opening up a whole new element of choice for parents when shopping for their daughters this Christmas!" Unfortunately, there's no word on whether any boys liked Barbie or Bratz. Also: Maybe the Bob The Builder set — with working car wash! — is just more fun? [The F Word]
save the children
Kids Today Still Dressing Slutty; Kimora May Be Partially To Blame
We have written time and time again about kids nowadays dressing like streetwalkers. What's weird is that young celebs are, suddenly, dressing more and more like old women. (Seriously, what's with Blair Waldorf and all her blazers on Gossip Girl?) Anyway, some older stars are still dressing skankily, and they're setting a bad example. In segment on the weekend edition of Good Morning America a "real-life mom," Celia Rivenbank talked about her book, entitled Stop Dressing Your Six-Year Old Like A Skank. Of inappropriate clothes, Rivenbank says, "The moms are buying it, the dads are buying and maybe on some level the parents think, 'Oh that's cute, that's harmless, that's innocent' — but I don't think it is... [And yet] There's no reason that your child should be deprived of the fashion." Um, really? They're children. They don't know what fashion is. Seriously. And as a result, they won't even know what you're "depriving" them of it. GMA interviewed little Venus Melvin, age six, who is in danger of being "deprived." Guess what? Her fashion icon is Kimora Lee Simmons. More »
dirt bag
Where In The World Is Lindsay Lohan?
- One report says that Lindsay Lohan is in a Sundance, Utah rehab facility which previously hosted Mary-Kate Olsen and David Hasselhoff. [EntertainmentTonight]
- Two other reports say Lindsay Lohan is with her mother on Long Island. We hope the first report is true! [People, PageSix]
- There's some cuckoo baby mama drama between Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards, if you care. [PageSix]
- Gwyneth Paltrow uses snake venom to keep her skin looking young. We always knew there was something sinister about her! [PageSix]
- Director Brett Ratner got a blowjob from a tranny. As the kids say, ROTLFLMFAO! [PageSix]
living dolls
Bratz: Campaign To Convince Parents Movie Is Harmless In Full Effect
Maybe you heard? Bratz: The Movie is opening this week. Both the Washington Post and the Philadelphia Inquirer have profiles on the stars of the film today. One of the young actresses tells the reporter from the Post, "I didn't know anything about the dolls at all. Then people, like my friends, heard I was going to be in the movie and they said, 'Oh, so you're going to be a slut doll?'" Those pesky Bratz! Their bad reputation precedes them. But don't worry about impressionable young girls watching a movie filled with tiny tops and fishnets. "In the movie, the way we dress is very cute," actress Logan Browning says. "It's typical teenager wear," adds her costar, Skyler Shaye. More »
tween-age wasteland
Britney Spears & Jon-Benet Weren't Born In Inappropriate Outfits, You Know
Back in the day when we were kids, we wore stirrup stretch pants and Keds. Also? The word "tween" did not exist. Kids nowadays? Well, apparently there is no such thing as a "kid" nowadays, insists the Arizona Republic. As if shopping for a teen or tween wasn't difficult enough, now there's a new category: the pre-tween.Yes, a child goes directly from toddler to pre-tween, skipping the 'plain old kid' level altogether.In addition, the newspaper complains, the options in stores for this age-group are borderline-inappropriate, like the "white, crocheted string bikini you'd likely see Anna Kournikova wearing on the cover of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue" from GapKids. (Marketed, naturally, for a 12-month-old.) More »
dirt bag
Lindsay Lohan: "I Am Innocent"
- Lindsay Lohan: "Did not do drugs they're not mine." Isn't this the same excuse from like, every episode of Cops? [People]
- Oh, and if Lindsay gets "the book thrown at her" for all of her offenses, she could face six years in jail. [TMZ]
- But Dina Lohan swears she "won't give up" on Lindsay. [People]
- Oh, hey — did you know that Promises rehab facility has a bar? Oh, wait. Joke! [DatelineHollywood]
- The Britney OK! Magazine photo shoot sounds more and more trainwreck-y. Did she "flee" wearing several thousand dollars of merchandise? [Page Six]
- Paula Abdul, fired from the Bratz movie? That's an outrage! [Page Six]
- Scary Spice hints that Eddie Murphy's "lifestyle" is less than savory. Tranny hookers, anyone? [Rush&Molloy]
seeing is disbelieving
The Bratz Movie Will Be So Good For Feminism, In Case You Can't Tell From All The Shopping And Makeup
Full disclosure: I am kind of fond of the Bratz. I once made a career chronicling Mattel's desperate attempts to compete with them and whichever southern Chinese children Bratz manufacturer MGA Entertainment finds to sew their little belts and handbags are a lot more talented than the ones who made my crappy Barbie stilettos. Which is good, because according to this segment from the television today about the Bratz movie, American children are falling behind on the whole "skills to arm us for the global economy" front because they are all so occupied "finding themselves" and "dealing with real girl problems." Like going shopping and trying on makeup! More »
purity dolls
An Alternative To Bratz? Jesus Christ!
We all sort of agree that Bratz dolls are a wee bit skanky. Guess what? There's an antidote to the fishnet-wearin', pouty-puckered little wenches, thank the Lord. No, really. Thank Him! Because instead of playing with mini-skirted, ethnically ambiguous baby bimbos, kids can play with a chick who got pregnant but swears she never had sex. Her name's Mary! CNN reports that Wal-Mart is testing bible action figures. Because some of the toys they make today? Holy crap!'If you're very religious, it's a battle for your children's minds and what they're playing with and pretending. There are remakes out there of Satan and evil things.'More »
living dolls
The Unsluttification Of Bratz?
When MGA Entertainment launched Bratz dolls onto the toy market six years ago, the dolls' huge bobble heads, giant anime eyes, pouty lips and tacky-wacky fashion choices made them instantly popular and instantly controversial. Earlier this year, the American Psychological Association cited concerns over the dolls' "sexualized clothing such as miniskirts, fishnet stockings and feather boas." Now the Bratz movie is slated to hit theaters August 3rd, and its producers are telling the New York Times it's, uh, good clean fun!'The goal is to broaden the appeal by demonstrating to parents and children alike that there is more to these characters than what they think,' said Steve Beeks, president of Lionsgate. Mr Arad, who until recently served as chief executive of Marvel Studios, added: 'The one thing we didn't want is for this movie to be sassy.'More »
