In today's Tweet Beat, Boy George has known that we're no longer in the 80s for an unspecified length of time (possibly even 23 years), Alan Cumming has the most zeitgeist-y dream of all time, and even the US Dept. of Defense can relate to Taylor Swift's wistful crooning.

In this week's Tweet Beat, Boy George gets a 'tude, Cher gives us a glimpse into the strange collection of letters and symbols that are her thoughts, and Hugh Hefner declares his wife is a "good girl" as if she is his tiny pet dog.

Superfoxes Josh Brolin and Diane Lane are divorcing after eight years of marriage, according to their reps: "It was a mutual decision. It was amicable. It's not ugly, it's just over." (Guh.) It's the second marriage for both of them. Although this means our fantasy of James Brolin, Barbra Streisand, Josh and Diane…

A poised and hella grown-uppish Prince Michael Jackson has landed a job as a special correspondent for Entertainment Tonight, a pretty impressive gig for a 16-year-old although though my impulse is to yell at him to stay the fuck away from show business and go work at the Dairy Queen like a normal teenager because I…

K8 Middleton, rather delightfully referred to in this New York Daily News article as a "queasy royal," is feeling a little better after getting fluids but remains in London's King Edward VII hospital due to severe Wingardium Leviosa!! hyperemesis gravidarum. A palace spokesman wants everyone concerned for Kate to know…

Lo, and birds will fall dead from the sky, fish will float dead to the surface of the ocean and the email service on your smartphone will cease to work for approximately 10 minutes, for Kristen Stewart has allegedly cheated on Robert Pattinson with her Snow White and the Huntsman director Rupert Sanders. The…

Today in Tweet Beat, Cher freaks out over schools cutting out penmanship from their curricula. Plus, Soulja Boy has a message for you and your friends.

Today in Tweet Beat, Chris Brown wants you to think about how he feels when he's criticized for his violence and petulance. Plus, Kim Kardashian gets her butt x-rayed to prove that it's real.

Today in Tweet Beat, ex-girlfriend Kendra offers to soothe Hef after his fiancee Crystal Harris left him. Plus, Iman gets new blond hair.

Today in Tweet Beat, two pop idols chat on Twitter. Plus, Damon Lindelof explains the meaning of Lost in 140 characters.