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breast intentions
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breast intentions
american titocracy
Easy Curves: The Long, Hard Object Made For Bouncing Breasts
Easy Curves is a phallic piece of plastic that is supposed to make breasts higher, larger, firmer, and "more centered" (???), and is being advertised pretty regularly on TV. (Seriously, I could not get through a Top Model marathon this weekend without seeing boob commercials every few minutes.) Easy Curves is sorta like a cross between a night stick and the Thigh Master and, as you'll see in the commercial above, it makes breasts dance from side to side for a "natural look." (Despite the fact that most of the chicks in the ad are pumped full of silicone.) For just $9.99 you get the boob stick, "an exclusive guide to a sexy bustline," 10 secrets to looking your best, and essential "boost" vitamins for women. As one woman in the commercial says, "There's no greater feeling than to be able to get into a bathing suit and feel good walking down the beach." Clearly this woman does not own a good vibrator.
rag trade
Heidi Klum Loves A Struggling Underclass In Uniform!
- "I go to the same Starbucks every day in Beverly Hills and they're like, 'Can you please tell them that we want to have new outfits?'...I sit in American Airlines, same thing. I get it all the time. Those chains or big companies, they always come to me." Imagine: the entire American service industry remade in the image of Heidi Klum! [Sassybella]
- Every time we read an interview with Kate Bosworth, she talks about high school and sort of ups the ante in terms of the profound alienation she supposedly felt there. Here's the latest installment. [Vogue UK]
- "Four kids later, I'm a 32D, but my entire life I was told I was a 34B." And there you have things we never wanted to know about model-cum-Interview fashion director Stephanie Seymour. [Chic Report]
leftovers
Oprah Makes Oz A Star; Girl Gangs In Central America; Why Men Are Idiots
Ed Note: We hear about and see so many stories that we can't find the time to comment on that we're gonna try something new: "Leftovers", a daily "accounting" of the stuff we had to leave behind. Let us know if you like it, and, obviously, feel free to click through on the stories and flesh them out for everybody.
• Oprah sells her old designer clothes to crazy fans. • Oprah to create a "Dr. Oz" TV show. • Central American girls flee abusive homes to join machista street gangs. • Cat poop coffee goes for £50 a cup at Sloane Square, London. • British man can't gain weight, hopes to "cure obesity." • Delude yourself into losing weight! • Miss World contestants have to prove that they actually care about helping people. • Woman photographs endearingly eccentric prostitutes in Las Vegas. • New book claims biological reasons for women becoming flustered and men being idiots. • A 42-year-old woman claims to having been forced to have sex with teens by her lover. • Baby Couture, a new magazine, shills for Prada Kids and makes a play-on-words with "flip-flops." • A man in Louisiana was denied a request to wear a short skirt in public. • Large-breasted gals told ill-fitting bras may be the root of their back pain.
Ad Libs
Can breasts make dudes recycle? That's what the people at EkoKom, A Czech organization, think. Their commercial features a guy who takes his recycling out at just the right time — when he can be sure to run into his busty neighbor. Cue the close up on her cleavage as he slides his bottle into a receptacle. The tagline? "Any reason is a good reason to recycle." Hmm. (Click the picture to view the commercial.) [AdGabber]
clips
South Park Takes A Trip To Heavy Metal
Last night's episode of South Park was a take on Salvia, that legal drug that kids can take that make them freak out and fall over, only to wake up and find that their friends had immortalized their trip on YouTube. In the episode, the kids learn they can get high from inhaling cat urine, so Kenny tries it out. He quickly becomes addicted when he discovers that tripping on cat urine brings him into the universe of the 1981 movie Heavy Metal, where everything is pretty much boobs. The song from the movie, "Heavy Metal (Takin' a Ride)" might be our favorite new track. Clip above.
Breast Intentions
More not-surprising news from the fashion overlords: Boobs are "out" this season. Which is fine and dandy if you're a gay man who dresses (and hates) women but, uh, good luck successfully shilling that message to the ladies! [Telegraph]
Virginia Is For Covers
Horrors! We are living in a country where adults going to strip bars might actually see nipples. That's why Delegate John A. Cosgrove has sponsored a bill in Virginia to get pasties on topless dancers. The legislation, which goes into effect in July, says a business can have its mixed-beverage license suspended or revoked if there is "entertainment commonly called stripteasing, topless entertaining, or entertainment that has employees who are not clad both above and below the waist." Actually, the law already exists and has been around for a while, but authorities did not enforce it and club owners knew they could get away with having totally topless dancers. But thanks to Mr. Cosgrove — and tax dollars — we'll never have to worry about bare areolas in Virgina again. [Reason.com]
Horrors! We are living in a country where adults going to strip bars might actually see nipples. That's why Delegate John A. Cosgrove has sponsored a bill in Virginia to get pasties on topless dancers. The legislation, which goes into effect in July, says a business can have its mixed-beverage license suspended or revoked if there is "entertainment commonly called stripteasing, topless entertaining, or entertainment that has employees who are not clad both above and below the waist." Actually, the law already exists and has been around for a while, but authorities did not enforce it and club owners knew they could get away with having totally topless dancers. But thanks to Mr. Cosgrove — and tax dollars — we'll never have to worry about bare areolas in Virgina again. [Reason.com]
Breast Intentions
As previously seen and reported, Kelly Rowland has implants now. In the new issue of People, Rowland claims, "I simply went from an A-cup to a B-cup. I didn't want double Ds and be a little bitty size 2. That would look nuts." She explains why she upgraded: She really wanted to wear "this one really hot House of Dereon top — I just wanted to fill that out!" The article later alludes back to that hot top, ending triumphantly: "And that House of Dereon top? "I put it on and I looked SO good!" she says with a laugh. "I'm so happy. I feel complete." [Much Music, Dark Hat]
As previously seen and reported, Kelly Rowland has implants now. In the new issue of People, Rowland claims, "I simply went from an A-cup to a B-cup. I didn't want double Ds and be a little bitty size 2. That would look nuts." She explains why she upgraded: She really wanted to wear "this one really hot House of Dereon top — I just wanted to fill that out!" The article later alludes back to that hot top, ending triumphantly: "And that House of Dereon top? "I put it on and I looked SO good!" she says with a laugh. "I'm so happy. I feel complete." [Much Music, Dark Hat]
"I am flying home to see my kid. I cannot wait to take my clothes off. I always walk around naked in front of my son. Last time you asked me when I'd stop taking a bath with him. I'm not sure when you're supposed to stop. Right now he just goes, 'Mommy! Boobies! Ahhhhhhhh!!' My breasts do not traumatize my kid." —Sherri Shepherd, discussing her relationship with her two-year-old son, this morning on The View.
the lady bunch
What The Ladies Are Talking About: Abortions, Boobs, And Eating Squirrel Meat
The past week of lady talk shows was pretty grim, and not the wacky romp of group vagina smiles or porn convos that we've grown used to. (For example Oprah had an episode all about a woman whose husband offed himself and left her a million dollars in debt on purpose, just to be a jerk.) Tyra had an episode dedicated to teen pregnancy, but she took the Juno route, where abortion was mentioned, but not at all explored. In the clip above, watch as a group of teen girls discuss pregnancy without actually discussing sex or exploring its other consequences. But at least we can always count on Barbara Walters and the girls at The View to bail us out of infuriating conversations with the best sound bites!
polls
Lindsay Lohan: Real Or Manmade?
Here at Jezebel Virtual HQ, we like to debate the real issues affecting women today. This morning, after perusing Lilo's topless photoshoot, we began discussing a very important topic: are Lindsay's considerable assets her own, or surgically-enhanced? I think real! From the side, they look like real breasts — you know, not like helium-inflated balloons strapped to her ribs. Tracie argues that if they are old implants, they can appear more natural, because they've had "4 years to settle". Then there's this denial from Lindsay, circa 2004. She says of the boob job rumors, "It's so retarded...I'm 17 years old. My mother would never let me. I'd be deathly afraid, and it's unnecessary... but I'm glad people think I have a nice chest." So what is it, bitches? Real or Fake? The one thing I think we can all agree on is that they are awesome. Voting is after the jump. More »
A PSA print campaign has been launched by the Family Violence Partnership in Milwaukee to combat statutory rape. The ads — featuring pre-pubescent girls with giant breasts — might be creepier than the actual crimes they try to confront, as they could easily be used as beat-off material for pervs. Also, the copy on one ad leaves a lot to be desired, reading "Just because she has the body, doesn't mean she has the brain." (Click on image to view larger size.) [Copyranter]
Lady Lumps
A Canadian man took the whole body modification thing to the next level when he had silicone "breast" implants placed beneath his leg tattoo of a sexy, big-titted woman, in order to make it appear three dimensional. This wasn't done by a surgeon in an operating room, but by some dude with plugs and sleeves in a tattoo and piercing shop. (Click tag to see full-size image.) [Body Two]
A Canadian man took the whole body modification thing to the next level when he had silicone "breast" implants placed beneath his leg tattoo of a sexy, big-titted woman, in order to make it appear three dimensional. This wasn't done by a surgeon in an operating room, but by some dude with plugs and sleeves in a tattoo and piercing shop. (Click tag to see full-size image.) [Body Two]
breast dressed
"Contour" Bras: Holding Us Up, Or Holding Us Back?
Do you find it torturous to go bra shopping because 95% of what's available falls into the "contoured" bra category? As in: the bras that are supposed to be "lined" when really, they're just padded, unyielding cups? For some of us with larger breasts, it is torturous, because contour bras can make it even more difficult to button our shirts. But more importantly, these bras make it impossible for those of us who wish to use our nipples to our advantage, since the cups are designed to hide them. A story on the New York Observer's website today reports on the troubling trend that makes finding a sexy bra such a chore.'I always try and push them, because it gives a better lift and you don't see the nipples peeking through,' said Heather, a young lingerie saleswomen in mod makeup, a black mini-dress and furry boots who was working at Saks Fifth Avenue's lingerie department the other day, holding a hanger with two silky but sturdy cups dangling from straps.More »
Breast Intentions
American Apparel ads in France don't beat around the bush — or in this case, the camel toe. They actually show you full-on tits! (Click picture for full-size image. NSFW, natch.) [Copyranter]
American Apparel ads in France don't beat around the bush — or in this case, the camel toe. They actually show you full-on tits! (Click picture for full-size image. NSFW, natch.) [Copyranter]
There's a new strapless bra called Faveo Freedom and it's probably the most retarded undergarment we've ever seen in our entire lives. The fucked up thing about it is that it was actually invented by a woman looking for an alternative to a typical bra. Honestly, we don't even know how this helps with support at all. We imagine it would cut off circulation, thus giving new meaning to "purple nurple." (Click on tag for larger image.) [Faveo Freedom via Dlisted]
Frustrated because you have small breasts and no money with which to augment them? Join the Australian Navy! Apparently, women with small breasts in the Aussie Navy say that their lack of a big rack is impairing their self-confidence so the Navy, concerned with the psychological well-being of its members, is giving the ladies bigger breasts. Is this what they mean by making the military a safer place for women? [Telegraph]
