In Honor of Donald Trump's 70th Birthday, Here Are 70 Ways Jezebel Has Described Donald Trump

Wow, today is an auspicious day. Not only is June 14, 1940 the day that Nazi troops invaded Paris during World War II, it’s the day that—just six years later—Donald Trump, an exploded goose down pillow bathed in menstrual blood, would invade the United States.
Happy 69th Birthday, Emmylou Harris
Angel-voiced singer-songwriter Emmylou Harris turns 69 today, so it’s fitting that we offer her a little tribute.
Happy 40th Birthday to Leap Year Baby Ja Rule
Sit down, my fellow children of the ‘90s. Today, rapper and leap year baby Ja Rule enters into the fifth decade of his life. But if the thought of Ja turning 40 makes you dizzy, take solace: according to the leap year schedule he’s merely 10.
Happy 70th Birthday, Dolly Parton! Let's Celebrate with Some of Her Best Performances
Dolly Parton—that sugary sweet, tremendously talented, and heavily tattooed angel who fell to earth (either heaven or the Smokey Mountains)—turns 70 years old today so let’s pump up our hair (because the higher the hair, the closer to God), push out our tits, break out our favorite Dolly albums, and celebrate! It’s…
Happy 94th Birthday to the Incomparable Betty White
If you’re looking for a reason to binge on The Golden Girls, then your search is over. Throw yourself a party in honor of actress Betty White, who turns 94 today. And while you’re at it, take a moment to admire the luminous Golden Girl sitting pretty amongst the roses in 1964. An appropriate setting given the name of…
The Internet Wishes Rat King a Happy Birthday
I can’t believe it’s Ted Cruz’s 45th birthday already! I feel like it was just yesterday that he was a lonely future dictator at Princeton.
Normcore Toddler Has Personal Injury Lawyer-Themed Birthday Party
Grayson Dobra, 2, celebrated his birthday this year with a theme party. The theme wasn’t Bob the Builder or whatever dumb shit two-year-olds like these days. Instead, it was organized around Dobra’s hero: New Orleans personal injury lawyer Morris Bart. This boy has his priorities straight.
Check Out These Exclusive Photos From Meryl Streep's Birthday Party
Today is Meryl Streep’s birthday! That’s right, there are now 66 candles on her birthday cake and three Oscars on her mantel. You probably weren’t invited to her birthday bash—held last night at her and Don’s beautiful home—but I was*. It was a perfect evening filled with fun, friends, and countless outfit changes for…
Happy Birthday to Katharine Hepburn, Who Liked to Set Sail on 'a Whim'
Besides being a phenomenally talented and famous actress, Katharine Hepburn is perhaps best remembered for her incredibly straightforward delivery of her often borderline impolite opinions. But her blunt nature went even further than that, as seen via two short blurbs from 1934 editions of New York Times about her…
Gloria Steinem + a Birthday = the Perfect News Peg
March 25th is Gloria Steinem's 81st birthday. While it's not receiving the amount of attention her 80th got (people love big round numbers), newspaper archives reveal that since at least the age of 45, Gloria's ever-increasing age has been as good a reason as any to find something to say about her. Scratch that:…
Justin Bieber, 21, Celebrates Birthday by Finally Trying Alcohol
On Sunday, singer, pouter and former juvenile delinquent Justin Bieber turned 21. Happy birthday, little dude!
Celebs Gather to Honor Birthday of Noted Cat Enthusiast, Taylor Swift
Yesterday, Taylor Swift worked a heavy shift at her job performing at the Jingle Ball last night, but afterwards she celebrated her 25th birthday (Jingle Ball afterparty?) at her Tribeca apartment with quite the group of friends. Friends like Karlie Kloss, Haim, Beyoncé, Jay Z, Sam Smith, and a poop emoji, better…
Woman Who Gives No Fucks Goes Skydiving for Her 100th Birthday
When Eleanor Cunningham turned 100, she wanted to do something really special. While I'm sure for plenty of women her age, going down to the local supper club for a night of dancing, or smoking through a couple cartons of cigarettes and downing a bottle of brandy would have sufficed quite nicely, Cunningham decided…

