Birth Rates Are Falling; Soon America Will Consist of Only Three People and Four Billion Feral Cats

Americans still aren't having nearly enough babies, according to a government report released Wednesday, and we can all thank teenagers for the stubbornly low birth rate, which dipped for the fourth year in a row. 2011 saw a paltry four million births, though the drop-off (about one percent) wasn't as steep as the two… »10/03/12 9:30am10/03/12 9:30am

Americans Aren’t Having Kids Because the Economy Sucks and Kids Are Money Gluttons

The economy is the worst, you guys. Just really, really shitty. For instance, if you were throwing a party and were brainstorming a list of people who definitely wouldn't be invited because they'd lock themselves in the bathroom or accidentally/on purpose eat all of your cold cuts, the economy would be at the top of… »7/25/12 9:15pm7/25/12 9:15pm