‘Sandy Babies’ Might Not Strictly Be Sandy Babies, Say Skeptics

What hath Hurricane Sandy really wrought? Apparently, lots of babies. According to overburdened record books of several New York hospitals, the storm, which hit the Northeast just about nine months ago, along with the resulting blackouts, apocalyptic panic, and the epic boredom that comes from being stuck on the… » 5/27/13 12:00pm 5/27/13 12:00pm

Panicked Texas Republicans May Throw $100 Million Back At Women's Health

Oops! Remember that time that Texas lawmakers cut $73 million of family planning funding and thought that wouldn't have an effect on the overall birth rate in the Lone Star state? As it turns out, proving fewer alternatives to having babies means... that there will be more donut holes. I mean, paper clips. Wait, no,… » 3/02/13 1:30pm 3/02/13 1:30pm

Increasingly Older Parents Are Ruining It for Everyone

As you've no doubt heard before, people waiting until longer to procreate — which has increased dramatically in the last half-century — is not just some hermetically sealed Great Idea that will solve all your career, family and relationship probs and allow you to "have it all." Nope. It's a ticking time bomb with its… » 12/11/12 6:30pm 12/11/12 6:30pm

If We Don't Start Procreating Right This Minute, America Will Fall…

How can we make sure that the United States retains its global power forever and ever? Babies, babies, babies, and more babies: an army of babies, who will all one day grow into upstanding citizens ready to contribute to the economy, fight for their country, go to church every Sunday, and have babies, who will then… » 12/03/12 11:30am 12/03/12 11:30am

America, You Are Getting Really Shitty At Having Babies

New data released by the Pew Research Center has shown that the American birth rate dropped 8% between 2007 and 2010, putting the 2010 birth rate at its lowest level since 1920, the first year that we were even keeping track of this sort of thing. Guess this means that my Facebook friends are the last people in this… » 11/29/12 6:25pm 11/29/12 6:25pm

Morons Disappointed to Learn Most Babies Born in America Are Not White

When the US Census bureau announced this morning that for the first time in US history, the majority of babies born in 2011 were not white, naturally my first thought was to see what paranoids and dum dums on the internet were saying about it, because I'm nothing if not a chronic hater. After all, this sort of topic… » 5/17/12 3:10pm 5/17/12 3:10pm

No One Can Afford to Have Babies Anymore

New data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention shows that America's facing a crisis of unparalleled proportions— no one's having babies anymore. Some experts blame the decline in birth rate on the everlasting economic Dutch oven in which we now live. With an imminent shortage of able bodied youngsters… » 11/17/11 4:40pm 11/17/11 4:40pm

America's Amazing Baby Boom Has Nothing To Do With A-List Actresses

Unlike European nations, which are experiencing a population decline, the United States is virtually exploding with infants, reports the Associated Press. There were nearly 4.3 million births in 2006, and experts believe that there are several reasons for this mini-boom: "A decline in contraceptive use, a drop in… » 1/16/08 9:30am 1/16/08 9:30am