Is it me or did last night's Oscars seem a lot less moving than usual? Loosen up, Billy — one more smile and she's fixing to bust. Which, had that happened during the broadcast, would've served for a nice PSA about the dangers of injectables.

Less than 2 minutes into the Oscar broadcast and Billy Crystal trotted out that which one should not trot out. But look! Justin Bieber!

In this promo for the Academy Awards, you'll see decidedly non-Oscar-worthy performances by Josh Duhamel, Megan Fox, Vinnie Jones, William Fichtner, Oscar-winner Robin Williams and, of course, Billy Crystal, who gets all Princess Bride with it, because that is such a hot, current reference. Ugh, Christ, this is not…

After tweeting that his reason for wanting to host the Oscars was "so the young woman in the pharmacy will stop asking my name when I pick up my prescriptions," it's been confirmed by two unknown sources that Billy Crystal will indeed replace Eddie Murphy as the host of this year's telecast.

• Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson had yet another "animated conversation," as onlookers described it, when they landed in Heathrow today. They reportedly ignored each other as they passed through the airport. [Daily Mail]

In order to quench readers' insatiable thirst for gossip, we've decided to try an evening edition of the much-beloved Dirt Bag. Now you won't have to wait for morning to find out the latest celebrity news. Welcome to the swirling, sleazy disco ball of "Dirt Bag After Dark". 18 to enter and 21 to drink, ladies!