Heroin-Laced Bible Plot Foiled by Dog 

Two people in a far-away land called "southwest Ohio" attempted to smuggle a heroin-laced Bible into the county jail. A seemingly brilliant criminal plan, yet their plan was foiled by a brave drug-sniffing dog. The heroic dog noticed that the Bible did not emanate its usual, sweet scent of holiness. Rather it reeked… » 1/17/15 11:00am 1/17/15 11:00am

Bible-Toting High School Cheerleaders Continue Futile Quest to Get God…

Cheerleaders at one Texas high school have fought tooth, nail, and poms to hold signs containing scripture verses at football games, despite a statewide ban on the practice. Yesterday, their prayers were answered when a judge granted them the right to literally tote the Bible around on the sidelines. B-E! R-E-G!… » 9/25/12 1:05pm 9/25/12 1:05pm

Values Voters Would Love it if Ladies Could Refrain From Dressing Like…

In case you're wondering why your guy who normally sells you ecstasy is plum out of pills, here's why: it's Values Voters Summit time. And at the Value Voters Summit, they've been handing out some helpful pamphlets about how ladies should maybe consider dressing less slutty, lest they drive men to madness with… » 9/14/12 5:30pm 9/14/12 5:30pm

The Right-Wing Evangelical ‘Choose Your Own Adventure’ for Isaac’s…

The cloud conglomerate known as Isaac is twist and shouting its way into the superheated waters of the Gulf of Mexico, the very same place that an ornery Old Testament god passed damning judgment on the lizard-people he'd created before people, some 6,550 years ago. It's no coincidence that Isaac will strike the very… » 8/27/12 12:50pm 8/27/12 12:50pm

National Organization for Marriage Unmoved by Infographic of the…

An infographic purporting to show the bible's actual nightmarish definition of marriage in the years when people still thought the sun was either the poison bump on the back of an enormous gila monster or an egg yolk that could end famine has been steadily canvassing the internet, yet has somehow failed to dissuade… » 8/07/12 12:00pm 8/07/12 12:00pm

Jeff Foxworthy’s New Bible Trivia Show Features Comically Oversized…

Before we start worrying about what Jeff Foxworthy's new biblical trivia show means for the future of Inherit the Wind viewings in this country, let's all take a moment to snicker at the outrageously HUGE bibles that contestants will be pouring over. I mean, it's just silly looking. All judgment aside, — and there's… » 7/17/12 11:15pm 7/17/12 11:15pm

Wait, Now You Can Get Kicked Out of College for Watching Glee?

Conservative Christian Bob Jones University is not a place for mincing namby pamby liberals with a dancing, prancing agenda. As such, students at the school are expected to adhere to a strict code of conduct and keep their minds unpolluted by the filth of pop culture sin, and if they don't keep up with the school's… » 4/27/12 11:20am 4/27/12 11:20am

The Bible Says Teachers Don't Deserve Decent Salaries, According to One…

If you thought that God had never really given much thought to teacher's salaries, you'd be wrong. At least according to Shadrack McGill, a Republican state senator from Alabama. He spoke at a prayer breakfast recently where he passed along some very interesting wisdom from God regarding what teachers should be paid.… » 2/02/12 10:50pm 2/02/12 10:50pm

Concerned Voter Wants to Know if Newt Gingrich will Legalize Polygamy

Smirking blowhard Newt Gingrich has been threatening to run for President for decades now, and this year, he's closer than he's ever been to following through on that threat. But as the Iowa caucuses approach like a thundering herd of angry ex wives, it's been difficult for evangelicals to wrap their heads around how… » 12/29/11 3:35pm 12/29/11 3:35pm

NY Clerk Resigns Rather Than Enable Gay Marriages

"I had to choose between my job and my god," Barker town clerk Laura Fotusky told Politico. In her resignation letter, she wrote, "The Bible clearly teaches that God created marriage between male and female as a divine gift that preserves families and cultures." We recommend the above flow chart for further reference… » 7/12/11 4:32pm 7/12/11 4:32pm

8 Ways Jesus Would Have Been The Worst Boyfriend Ever

You know how super-Christian girls like to say "Jesus is my boyfriend"? Well, in honor of the Pope's visit we got to wondering what kind of boyfriend Jesus would be. Luckily, my friend Don is reading the Bible. (He finds this stuff interesting because he grew up atheist.) "I kinda like Jesus!" he announced yesterday. … » 4/21/08 3:40pm 4/21/08 3:40pm