If a sexually-dissatisfied Southern woman happens to be on the lam with her friend, she can no longer count on glistening young cowboy drifter Brad Pitt to make the fuck with her. Why? Because he doesn't do onscreen sex scenes anymore, out of respect for Angelina Jolie, and she does the same for him.

Emma Stone may have been an energetic Academy Award presenter. She may have been a credulous presenter. She may even have been a murderous presenter. She was most definitely not, however, a drunken presenter, a rumor she once again debunked for the fine inquisitors at W.

The January edition of Vanity Fair is the "first ever comedy issue," guest-edited by Judd Apatow. There are three different covers, featuring groups of comedians. Unlike the April 2009 issue of VF — "Comedy's New Legends" — there are actual women on these covers. In fact, the editors chose six men and six women to shoot.

Good thing you didn't hold your breath waiting for the sequel to the 2001 comedy Zoolander, or else we'd be saying your eugoogly right now (sorry). But Zoolander 2 is coming around the bend now, I guess, featuring the return of Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson as male models Derek (who actually resurfaced recently at The…

When it comes to V-neck t-shirts, ladies have long experimented with how low we can go, but now men are getting their chance. On last night's SNL, Andy Samberg and Ben Stiller took shopping for men's V-necks to whole new, completely disturbing depths. Watch as they try on such hilariously revealing contraptions as "The …

• Ladies and gentlemen, Swiftenhaal is no more.

• The National Enquirer reports that John Travolta's Vermontian resort getaway was semi-secret, and that Kelly Preston was not there. Travvie and his guy-pals were "very discreet," a source told the Enquirer. "You could tell they didn't want to be seen."

• Zoolander II news! Owen Wilson says he and Ben Stiller are at work on the the long-awaited sequel, which should be released in 2012. Wilson also says he wants Lady Gaga to make a cameo. [Monsters&Critics]

• Tragic: Lily Allen has suffered a second miscarriage. She was six-months pregnant.

[Rome, June 28. Image via Bauer-Griffin.]