This isn't to shit all over MFA students — they get quite enough of that already, both from snarky real-talkers in the Wall Street Journal weekend section and life — but perhaps the best an aspiring writer can hope for in this brave new media landscape tilled by Google adbots and fertilized with diploma paper is a gig… » 11/17/13 3:30pm 11/17/13 3:30pm

I am never getting out the bath ever again. I will shrivel up into a prune and then you can feed my shrunken corpse (via VitaMix'ed smoothie?) to Mark Ruffalo so that I might, just once, know him intimately. » 11/04/13 9:30am 11/04/13 9:30am

Have you ever gotten good advice while dropping a deuce at a dive bar? Have you ever pondered "Who is Luis, and why won't he call Terry?" and then scribbled "Fuck him, girl!" as a helpful reply? If you're a poet who practices while emptying your bowels into a toilet that hasn't been cleaned since the 60s — or if you're the … » 7/10/13 9:30pm 7/10/13 9:30pm

When the Navy announced last week that, come 2015, it would be getting rid of urinals on all future Gerald R. Ford class aircraft carriers in an effort to make the ships more "gender-neutral," it might not have known that it was tearing a hole in the universe. Critics bemoaning political correctness and icky toilet seats … » 7/16/12 9:15pm 7/16/12 9:15pm

My first kiss was in a public bathroom. It was a seventh grade dance. Snoop Dogg was blasting from the six foot high speakers where kids were grinding up against the walls of the cafeteria. Some sixth graders shouted "Ew, gross!" as I pulled this dude-bro I had been dancing with into the little boys room and stuck my… » 3/12/12 5:30pm 3/12/12 5:30pm

Mary has been living in filth for longer than her family can remember, and while they knew the conditions of her home were bad, they didn't know to what extent until the Hoarders cameras—along with a therapist—bravely entered the dwelling in hazmat suits. An owner of 15 cats, the house is literally covered in not only … » 1/17/12 2:35pm 1/17/12 2:35pm

Many Starbucks in New York are converting their public restrooms into employees-only facilities, because the public ones create long lines and are a hassle to clean. While it's hard to fault Starbucks for its unwillingness to "be the public bathroom in the city," we'll also mourn the disappearance of one of the few… » 11/16/11 12:15pm 11/16/11 12:15pm

If you're walking the streets of Chicago and find yourself in need of a toilet, don't resort to relieving yourself in the nearest Starbucks restroom. If you walk a few more blocks to the Field Museum, you'll find yourself in a bathroom utopia, which the Chicago Tribune describes thusly: » 10/21/11 1:20pm 10/21/11 1:20pm