Jezebel 
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New York, 2:11 AM
Mon Nov 23
18 posts in the last 24 hours
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04/27/09
I say, hi, how are you, to the bartender.
I get my drink. I say thank you. And have no problems for the rest of the night. Male or female.
Being polite puts a person miles ahead of others. In any life situation.
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Even in my late 20s I started lying about my age in NYC when applying for bartending jobs. If you aren't young and hot, its nearly impossible to get a job. Sad because a woman like your mom is probably amazing behind that bar and a phenomenal bartender. People forget the job is a lot more than pouring a drink whip smart and sarcastic go a long way behind the bar.
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I like the feeling of controlling my own domain as well... those dozen or so seats and 6 or 7 tables in my area... those are MINE and no else gets to mess with them.
Control issues much?
04/27/09
Also, I LOVED being able to tell off servers/customers for doing dumb shit, ie, blocking the service window or encroaching upon bar space. Fan-fucking-tastic.
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so.much.fun.
04/27/09
I love bar topics. Feels like home =)
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I don't actively tip in pubs in the UK, it feels wrong but I tell the staff to keep the change, if it's a small amount.
I've worked in pubs and bars all over London, this post is making me really miss it too...
04/27/09
But to answer some of your questions as to why you might get poor service...women as a whole are generally BAD tippers.
I have been a waitress and a bartender and with the exception of other bartenders and strippers you can generally count on making much less money off women than men in bars. It sounds like a fucked up stereotype but in my experience it is all too true.
Men do most of the buying in a bar therefore you serve those that will maximize your tips at the end of the night.
If you continually get the shaft from ANY bartender consider how much you are tipping. Especially in a place like NYC where quite a bit of bartenders make their money ONLY on tips.
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As for not becoming a regular in lieu of trying all the bars--that's up to you, of course. I found it to be trickier. Personally, I tend to develop a couple of places that will get 85% of my business between them, and the bartenders literally remember me years later because of it.
I suppose that going to a new bar with a friend who's a regular there, or has a friend that works there, sort of circumvents the entire developing-rapport part, though.
04/27/09
The good bartenders I know do the same- they serve whoever is next. I appreciate what other people are saying about men tipping more but frankly I'm there to serve, not to make judgment calls about someone's possible tip philosophy. If they're that good of a tipper they'll wait another minute and not resent the fact that I didn't let them line jump.
You know, I'm wondering how much of your trouble is being caused by the fact that so many bars in Boston do have "regulars"- a lot of people have a local they go to and the bartender will pop a beer for a regular before getting to a new customer (though they'll try to do it while addressing the new customer at the same time).
04/27/09
It's funny how people on this thread are rationalizing something that just should not be happening. Bartenders such as veronykah are admitting to skipping over women due to some tipping stereotype, other's are critisizing (I can't sp the darn word right) other's choices in what bars to go to and when. If this were some heavier topic than alcohol, the Jezzie masses would be up in arms, but we can't seem to apply the same principles to this argument as we do to others. It just should not happen, there is no excuse for it. It's discrimination, period.
Elizita and veronykah this is not an attack on you, just continuing the conversation with you. I realize that the above can be read as verbally aggressive, it's not meant to be, so please apply a "conversational" tone to it when reading. :)
04/27/09
Suggesting you try other places because the ones you have gone to are not answering your expectations seems a very reasonable response. When someone recommends you go to different places it's because bars are all different, as I'm sure you know. They hire different kinds of people and have different clientele. I could not work at some bars in Boston because I am not the kind of bartender they want and I would, quite frankly, probably not mesh well with the expectations of their clientele.
I personally would never advocate skipping any kind of customer in favor of one who I thought would tip better, but again, different bars/clients work in different ways.
There are an awful lot of variables here aside from you being a female and the bartender being a female. As I mentioned in another thread, I've been on the receiving end of a lot of attitude from female customers based solely on my being a female bartender. I have also been told by female customers that they'll "wait for X", X being the male bartender, because they're hoping to score some drinks. But I'm not going to say that I don't like all female customers based on an idiot or two a shift.
04/27/09
If that means 5 female bartenders, I serve them.
If that means 2 frat boys I serve them.
I think you are misinterpreting my favoritism for certain people. But I find it absurd for people to expect to be treated the same when they tip average or POORLY vs people who are tipping extraordinary no matter if they are male or female.
I'll go the extra mile for ANYONE tipping me well and isn't that the point of tipping?
I work in VERY high volume places and I follow slowpoke.r's theory of serving the person that was next...however if the person who is next doesn't know what they want, is being rude or doesn't tip I will ABSOLUTELY skip over them in favor of the next person or the great tipper.
I treat all shitty tippers the same, be they male or female, you put yourself last in line and I have yet to meet a bartender who doesn't to some extent follow that rule.
04/27/09
That is what I'm talking about. Outrageous right? Unfathomable? Just.not.right. But it does happen.
04/27/09
I was at a bar last weekend there were 2 bartenders one male one female. The female saw me and my friend, and never served us. We gathered our gear and moved to the other end where the guy was working, we still waited but he acknowledged us and served us in order.
As a bartender I find it perhaps MORE insulting because I do their job, therefore I know when someone else is doing a shitty job. That's also when I choose to not return and also make damn sure to tell everyone I come across to avoid that place too.
I bartend to make money and I try to serve in volume to maximize my tips. So when someone is slow, ignores me or plain doesn't serve me I say fuck em. There is always another bar with a bartender that likes to get paid.
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The attitude from people is hard to deal with, it's true. Not just from the men even; there are a lot of women who become convinced after a couple of shots that you're trying to hit on their boyfriends and that you're a total slut because you work in a bar.
What eventually chased me out of bartending though, was the alky regulars. It was just so depressing, seeing these same people (many of them nicer and more respectful than other customers, actually) bellying up to the bar and drinking away until closing time, 4-5 nights a week or more. It was hard to stand there face to face with despair every night, and know I was making a living off of it (and drinking to much myself). I fled to a sales job at a health food store and was much happier for it.
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04/27/09
I way prefer busy bars though, cause you literally don't have time to put up with flirty men bullshit. However then you have to deal with people screaming at you and literally waving money an inch from your face. By the way, any people who do that, stop. You'll get served last and your drinks will be LAUGHABLY weak.
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04/27/09
ACK. I hate the waving of money, empty glasses, hands, whatever. THEY KNOW YOU ARE THERE, THEY ARE JUST BUSY.
04/27/09
This approach has gotten me decent free drinks from bartenders who apparently thought, "Hey, she's not actively trying to fuck any shit up. That's nice of her."
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04/27/09
Do you enjoy being snapped at to come hither? Me either. I don't think anyone does. I've had this conversation in the last week, actually; waving money and/or snapping etc is the single best way to ensure that bartenders ignore you.
*sigh* this all makes me miss bartending.
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