Gwyneth Paltrow Once Threw a Dinner Party Where Everyone Barfed

Via Glamour, we learn that Gwyneth Paltrow has confessed her greatest culinary mishap (so she says; this may be a false flag covering the tracks of an apocryphal formal gala dinner she once threw for 400 people who were all allergic to vegan and died) to Rachael Ray. The story is simple and harrowing: she made a meal… »1/23/15 8:10pm1/23/15 8:10pm


Sexist Douche Pastor Mark Driscoll Believes Our Nation Is 'Pussified'

You might remember swaggering, misogynist evangedouche/human Affliction tee Mark Driscoll from being terrible on Glenn Beck, being terrible on Fox and Friends, or being terrible any time he does anything ever, which is all the time. But he's really ramped up the action in the last month or so! It seems like dude can't… »7/30/14 5:00pm7/30/14 5:00pm

All Your Food Is Poisoned. Do Not Eat Any of the Food.

Sorry in advance if you were planning on eating food today, but I've got some bad news. LITERALLY EVERYTHING IS FULL OF POISON AND/OR FECES. Your food is trying to kill you. "But Lindy," you might say, "Not eating the food will surely kill me as well. It is known as starvation, and it's really bad for you." To which I… »5/22/14 5:50pm5/22/14 5:50pm

'World's Toughest Job' Viral Video Is Obvious, Manipulative and Stupid

At this point, if anyone on the internet tells me that a video is going to "blow my mind," or that I need to "wait for it," or that I should prepare to "change the way I think," I immediately want to run an ultra-marathon down an abandoned mine shaft and into the earth's molten core. I despise a "big reveal." How dare… »4/15/14 4:00pm4/15/14 4:00pm

This Revolting Promise Ring Might Be the Worst Pinterest Pin Ever

Did you know it's possible to make the concept of promise rings even more gross? I would have thought, "No, a father giving his daughter a fake wedding ring to remind her that he — well, he and Jesus — are the most important men in her life so she better not even think about fooling around with anybody else is about… »12/20/13 2:45pm12/20/13 2:45pm

Things That Will Never Happen to You, From the NY Times 'Vows' Column

Things were going well for you, weren't they? You were happy. You were just living your modest little pleasurable life, excited that you splurged on the good deli turkey this week and that the coffee from the place around the corner was not too bitter today. Sure, your partner was too busy at work to reply to your… »11/06/13 1:30pm11/06/13 1:30pm

Dude Makes Jewelry Covered in Human Skin, Because You Totally Want That, Right?

If you're finally ready to put a ring on the special skin-suit cannibal king in your life, Icelandic artist Sruli Recht has you covered. Recht hired a plastic surgeon to flay a flap of hairy, living skin from his abdomen, which he then tanned and wrapped around an elegant golden ring (the video above includes… »1/25/13 10:50am1/25/13 10:50am

What Is with Our National Anti-Fruitcake Obsession? Have Any of You Even HAD Fruitcake?

If an alien archaeologist were to drop to earth after the utter obliteration of the human race and try to piece our culture together based solely on Borscht Belt stand-up routines, first of all, that would be AMAZING and someone should start a tumblr (not me, I'm tired). And second of all, he (or she! In space even … »12/05/12 2:25pm12/05/12 2:25pm

Got Morning Sickness? Give Two Blow Jobs and Call Me in the Morning

No amount of heavy duty feminism can alleviate the fact that when it comes to child creation, all a guy really must do is not ride a bike too much, ejaculate successfully into a fertile vagina, and then maybe hand out cigars. Meanwhile, the woman spends nine months growing a tiny, helpless proto-human inside her… »7/10/12 6:30pm7/10/12 6:30pm