Doctor Barbie Makes Girls Care Less About Becoming Doctor People

Astronaut, computer engineer, Hawaiian haver of "fun" —Barbie's held more jobs for which she's clearly unqualified than Ryan Seacrest. But all of her career costumes were supposed to be a means to an end, a way for girls to play with a doll who would encourage them to pursue their big dreams. Turns out, career-having… » 3/05/14 3:00pm 3/05/14 3:00pm

Human Barbie Starves Herself to Achieve Doll-Like Proportions

Valeria Lukyanova has made a career (?) of looking like a real-life doll and embracing the controversy surrounding her unique look. She's starred in a Vice documentary, she's denied claims that she's had plastic surgery (It's just genetics and lip-gloss, ok?) and now she's made headlines again by talking about her new… » 2/28/14 12:18am 2/28/14 12:18am

Woman Deliberately Lowering IQ to Become Barbie

I used to do a lot of community theater, so I can understand falling so deeply in love with a character that you want to become them (Cinderella's Father, Into The Woods). However, Blondie Bennett —now her real name— is taking it to the extreme by transforming herself into a walking talking Barbie, complete with… » 2/22/14 3:55pm 2/22/14 3:55pm

What Bizarre and Depraved Things Did You Subject Your Barbies To?

If you have been on the Internet in the past few weeks, it's likely been brought to your attention that Barbie, a little hunk of plastic shaped like a woman with synthetic hair on it, appeared in Sports Illustrated. Many feminists see this unholy union as a perfect reification of the problems with both crumbling… » 2/21/14 1:20pm 2/21/14 1:20pm

Barbie Design Boss Explains Doll's Ludicrous Measurements

For years, Barbie has been the go-to example of the ways our culture teaches girls to strive toward unrealistic beauty standards. Well, the brand's VP of design has finally responded to the critics. She counters that the realism isn't the point—the doll's design is mostly about making tiny clothes that actually fit. » 2/03/14 11:00am 2/03/14 11:00am

Nigerian 'Queens of Africa' Dolls Give Girls What Barbie Can't

Any minority who has felt the frustration of trying to find a doll that corresponds with a specific ethnicity knows the true meaning of futility. I usually switched between my Mulan Barbie (whose hair never fucking reattached), and hand-me-down Indian Barbies from the Dolls of the World Collection. (Because a bejeweled … » 1/29/14 3:30pm 1/29/14 3:30pm

Barbie's Plastic Surgery and Beyond: The Worst iPhone Apps for Kids

This week, parents–and anyone else with an iota of common sense–expressed outrage over the discovery of the Barbie Plastic Surgery App, whose name was soon changed to Barbara for legal reasons. As for ethical changes? Not so much. The app, rated for kids 9+ (just the age they should be fretting about their thighs)… » 1/28/14 2:25pm 1/28/14 2:25pm

Mesmerizing 'Living Dolls' Doc Follows People Obsessed With Dolls

I can remember being 13 years old, sitting on the floor of my living room, acting out a scene with two Barbies and a couple of Strawberry Shortcake dolls. (They were all friends!) It was right at a time when the other girls in my class were starting to talk about boys and sex, and wearing high-heels and frosted lip… » 11/09/13 1:22pm 11/09/13 1:22pm

The Children of China Do Not Give a Fuck About Barbies

Poor Mattel! They've been exploiting the cheap labor of China in order to make crappy toys for years now and how do the people of China thank them? By refusing to buy those crappy toys for their own kids. The company is currently pushing hard to grow their Chinese market — specifically by getting little girls excited… » 11/08/13 7:15pm 11/08/13 7:15pm

Barbie Is Still Hella Super Rich

Despite the best efforts of many feminazis hell bent on tearing down the impractically built and impossibly chipper Barbie, the original B is still making mad cheddar. (Which she doesn't eat, of course. No other way to keep that 39-18-33 brick house-ish measurements.) » 10/18/13 9:30am 10/18/13 9:30am

The Book of Jezebel: B Is For Barbie

Welcome! As you may have heard, on October 22nd we'll be publishing our first book, a 300-page, hardcover, illustrated encyclopedia called The Book of Jezebel. In honor of this milestone —which took many years and dozens of contributors to execute—we'll be posting one entry from the book a day, starting with "A" and… » 9/24/13 1:43pm 9/24/13 1:43pm

Republican Thanks Supporter Who Called Wendy Davis 'Retard Barbie'

Fun fact: Texas, in addition to being one of the largest economies in the world, is also America's leading producer of assholes. Case in point: Attorney General and gubernatorial candidate Greg Abbott, who replied to a supporter's tweet calling Wendy Davis "retard Barbie" with a gracious "thank you" before fauxpologizing… » 8/19/13 11:50am 8/19/13 11:50am