5 Insane Things From Martha Stewart Weddings Magazine, Spring 2015

If the wedding planning galaxy is a weirdo cosmic circus into which no woman is adequately prepared to be flung until it’s far too late, Martha Stewart Weddings magazine is that galaxy’s big fat Jupiter: Dazzling and marbled with soft, undulating peachy-pink colors on the outside; turbulent, full of hot air, and… » 5/21/15 1:45pm Thursday 1:45pm

Amy Schumer Asks: Would Dudes Actually Fuck a Beer?

Here’s something many of us have wondered in times when more pressing matters aren’t taking up our brains: why are beer commercials so sexy? Am I being sold a Bud Light (the most delicious alcoholic beverage with the worst tagline ever) or sex with a beer can? And if it’s the latter, who would do that? » 5/12/15 9:05pm 5/12/15 9:05pm

What Is Gap Doing? No, Seriously. We Have No Idea.

When I was a child, my dream in life (after becoming a ballerina and/or a pastry chef) was to be a Gap model. It was my favorite store in the world. I owned two zip-up polar fleeces of identical design in different colors. Back to School shopping was paradise. So it deeply saddens me to state now what has become… » 2/06/15 3:30pm 2/06/15 3:30pm

Domino's Unleashes the Most Terrifying Print Ad in History

What's a pizza company to do if they want to get in on that sweet 50 Shades of Grey cash cow action, but have absolutely no promo connection to the infamous amalgam of Freaky Friend Fiction word snippets masquerading as dialogue? How about an ad referencing BDSM? OK, great, but even better: how about an ad that… » 1/27/15 10:01pm 1/27/15 10:01pm

Target Now Sells Fifty Shades Cock Rings Next to Kids' Toothbrushes 

Target knows you're a busy parent on the go, so when it comes to shopping, you don't want to waste your time going from aisle to aisle to collect your kid's toothbrushes, mouthwash and Fifty Shades of Grey marital aids. That's why they put all of your needs into one place. They're always thinking of you. » 1/16/15 5:40pm 1/16/15 5:40pm

Ugh to This LOFT Ad About Frantically Binge-Exercising in Saran Wrap 

Yeah, yeah, we all had a lot of cookies this past month and now maybe your clothes don't fit right. Or maybe they do. Or maybe you don't give a fuck? Whatever the case, January is always a big month for "Feel bad about yourself you ugly cow"-style advertising. Clothing retailer LOFT just added another one on the pile,… » 1/09/15 4:50pm 1/09/15 4:50pm

South Dakota Removes Ads Demanding Drivers Stop Jerking It

In a move that surprised many people who enjoy a good joke about masturbation, South Dakota has decided that their plan to ensure safe driving while employing puns about touching oneself all over until orgasm were ill-advised. No one knows how they even came up with the idea, but I assume some ingenious advertising… » 12/15/14 9:30pm 12/15/14 9:30pm

Scott Walker's Equal Pay Ad Forgets He Repealed That Shit 2 Years Ago

In this ad for Scott Walker against Mary Burke, Lieutenant Governor and former professional TV news talking head Rebecca Kleefisch expresses her concern about all these elaborate claims that Walker made it harder for women to fight against workplace discrimination. That's kind of weird, because THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT… » 11/04/14 2:10pm 11/04/14 2:10pm

Haters, Gather 'Round: Let's All Hate On the New McDonald's Tagline

McDonalds is in a bit of a pickle. It seems that people aren't trying to get their Big Mac on quite like they used to. Profits are declining while Americans stuff themselves with Chipotle burritos. What is the largest hamburger fast food chain on Earth to do? They could focus on improving their product or perhaps… » 10/28/14 5:15pm 10/28/14 5:15pm