Bad news: Mercury has just gone retrograde at this exact moment, so everything will go wrong from now until February 28. Famed astrologist Susan Miller says not to worry: "There will be countless delays, cancellations and postponements — but know these will benefit you in the long run." Plus side: you now have a…
So What Are the Soothsayers Saying About 2014?
When a national news outlet like USA Today runs an article about what the country's "seers" are predicting for 2014, it makes one realize how small the distance is between our modern world and a world in which a haruspex in a funny hat would cut open a sheep in front of an anxious crowd, puzzle over the liver, and say…
Celeb Astrologist Susan Miller Totally Predicted the Gov't Shutdown
Mind-blowing theory alert: Susan Miller, astrologist to the stars, knew today's government shutdown was imminent.
Yessss, Mercury in Retrograde Is Here
I showed up over an hour late to a doctor's appointment yesterday because I fucked up my Google Calendar alert — it pinged while I was working from home in a Pippin The Musical T-shirt with coconut oil on my split ends. But the most frustrating aspect of the screw-up was that I couldn't chalk it up to the planet…
What Is It About A-List Astrologist Susan Miller?
The fashion industry is obsessed with astrologist-to-the-fashionistas Susan Miller, according to New York Magazine, which calls her an "elite astrologer," and many of my friends, who have been gushing about her star charts for ages. What's it all about?
Ebay Has Banned the Sale of Magic and Whimsy in Its Now-Boring…
Etsy isn't the only internet marketplace banning the sale of borderline-disturbing esoterica — eBay, the place where my best friend in eighth grade was able to buy a taser for fifteen American dollars, has announced in its 2012 Fall Seller Update that it will ban the sale of all magic potions, spells and enchantments,…
Astrologers Explain: Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson Were Never…
Vampires may be immortal, but in Hollywood, forever is not long at all. And, according to their zodiac signs, long-term true love was never going to happen for Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson. As of right now, she's apologized for her indiscretion, but Rob's moved out. We ask the cosmos: Will K-Stew and R-Patz…
Astrologers Attempt to Make Sense of the Kim and Kanye Thing
Against our own better judgment, we love a good Ken and Barbie story. The swift and sudden love affair between Kanye West and Kim Kardashian has definitely stocked the Dreamhouse with bootylicious, sartorial splendor. Bring out the binoculars! We're keeping tabs on this well-heeled pair.
Susan Miller Soothes All Of Your Fears
Saturday I attended an all-day seminar given by astrologer Susan Miller, where she stressed that no, your astrological sign has not "changed," and called the whole business "ridiculous."
Your Astrological Sign Isn't Really Changing, But It Was Fun While It…
This week we learned that silly tools with which you pretend to understand yourself are lies.
How Will Tonight's Lunar Eclipse Affect You?
Tonight, for the first time since 1378, a total lunar eclipse of a full moon falls on the winter solstice. OMFGWTFBBQ! What does it mean?
Astrologer Susan Miller Takes A Closer Look At Prince William & Kate
Though she already shared some thoughts about Prince William and Kate Middleton's engagement, at our request, frighteningly accurate astrologer Susan Miller has gone more in-depth!
Astrology Inspires Fashion, Gorgeousness Ensues
British Vogue has just published one of the most beautiful — and original — fashion editorials in ages. It's all about the signs of the zodiac, and it is downright dreamy.
Astrologer Susan Miller Has Good News & Bad News For William & Kate
Now that Prince William and Kate Middleton are officially engaged, noted astrologer Susan Miller has weighed in on the royal romance via Twitter. Good news! And, um, bad news.
User's Guide: Mercury In Retrograde
Apparently, it is (though not for too much longer). And apparently, that's supposed to explain a lot. But what, exactly, does it mean? And should it carry more or less weight than any astrological happening?
Way Too Many Americans Believe In Witches
A new poll shows more than 20% of Americans believe in witches — but we can't judge, because we believe in some weird shit too.
It's A Boy! Eugene Scott Draper: June 21, 1963
Personal Astrology Profile for Eugene Draper
Birth Date and Time..... June 21, 1963 4:56 AM
Birth Location.............. Tarrytown, New York
Let's Gaze Into The Future With Your Very Own Jezebel Horoscope
Welcome, dear friends, to your Jezebel Horoscope for September, 2009. I've enlisted the help of completely phony and unreliable astrologist, Eloise McBean, to help us look to the stars to determine just what lies ahead of us this September.
Rage Of Aquarius
Auto Trader has found that male Aquarians get into more accidents than any other group. Also accident-prone are those born in 1981 and Ford drivers, with Fridays as the most popular day for a fender bender. Auto Trader came to these conclusions by analyzing 4,600 insurance claims; to what end is unclear. (Good driving…