Get Ready For Some Ultra-Crappy Olympic Figure Skating Coverage

If you were hoping against hope that you'd be able to enjoy the Sochi Winter Olympics this February, despite all the Russian anti-gay fuckery, because cuddling up with your couch blanket and mug of spiked apple cider for days and days of prime-time coverage of figure skating is your idea of a little slice of glitter… » 1/06/14 4:15pm 1/06/14 4:15pm

Boom: Four Steubenville School Officials Indicted in Teen Rape Case

This morning, Ohio's Republican Attorney General Mike DeWine announced the findings of a grand jury investigation into the roles Steubenville school officials played in covering up the town's now-infamous sexual assault of a girl by football players a year ago in August. Among those charged? The school's… » 11/25/13 12:40pm 11/25/13 12:40pm

Albuquerque Voters Say 'Hell No' To Abortion Ban

Yesterday, a proposed ban on abortions after 20 weeks of pregnancy was rejected by voters of Albuquerque. We're not talking a polite "it's not you, it's me" kind of rejection. We're talking changing your phone number-level rejection. We're talking Moving To Another City Without Telling You kind of rejection. Here's why… » 11/20/13 11:40am 11/20/13 11:40am

Jackie O's Pink Suit Will Remain Hidden Away Until We're All Dead

Fifty years ago this week, President John F. Kennedy was assassinated in Dallas, Texas as he rode in a motorcade alongside his wife Jacqueline. The now-iconic blood-spattered pink suit that the First Lady wore that day hasn't been seen in public since, but not because it's missing; it's because it's locked in a vault… » 11/18/13 4:30pm 11/18/13 4:30pm

I'm Sorry For Making You Read Rielle Hunter's Hilarious Apology Letter

Well, America: you win. Rielle Hunter, who burned herself into the public's eyeballs after an affair with then-married-to-a-cancer-patient Presidential candidate John Edwards that resulted in a child and a short lived career giving jaw droppingly gross interviews, is sorry. She's so sorry she did all those things she… » 10/15/13 4:15pm 10/15/13 4:15pm

Ban on Female Fighters' Breast Implants Enacted For Douchiest Reasons

Last week, the Louisiana State Boxing and Wrestling Commission issued an "emergency rule" barring women who have breast implants from competing in MMA fights unless they have express written permission from the doctors who performed their surgery. Why? For the douchiest, stupidest possible reasons. » 9/16/13 1:40pm 9/16/13 1:40pm

Sydney Leathers Chased Anthony Weiner Through a McDonald's Last Night

After netting only 5%(ish) of the vote in NYC's Democratic Mayoral primary yesterday, prolific sexter Anthony Weiner has little choice but to go limping off into the sunset. But it wouldn't be right if the Saga of Carlos Danger simply petered out. No, in order for this story to properly conclude, America needed Sydney… » 9/11/13 10:00am 9/11/13 10:00am

Abercrombie Declares 'Unnatural' Hairstyles Like, Totally Unacceptable

Last week, Abercrombie announced to its army of cologne-encrusted employees a new crackdown in the company's oft ridiculed appearance guidelines. Gone are the days of creative coiffage, of chunky highlights and ombres; now any and all haircuts and styles must appear "natural" or else you run the risk of getting punched… » 9/05/13 2:15pm 9/05/13 2:15pm

Sexually Harassing Mayor Wisely Axed From Benefit for Rape Survivors

ICYMI: San Diego mayor Bob Filner was slated to deliver the keynote address at a benefit for survivors of military sexual assault. At the benefit, he was supposed to receive a lifetime achievement award. Then, a few women came forward and pointed out that the only award Filner should get vis a vis unwanted sexual… » 7/29/13 6:45pm 7/29/13 6:45pm

The Best ‘Zimmerman Car Rescue Was Totally Staged’ Conspiracy Theories

Someone send this guy a cape. Since George Zimmerman, who killed — BUT DID NOT MURDER — Trayvon Martin "rescued" a "family" of "four" from a "car" "wreck" earlier this week, conspiracy theories have abounded about the circumstances to Zimmerman just HAPPENING to be right near a place where a car overturned in time to help a… » 7/25/13 2:00pm 7/25/13 2:00pm

‘Royal Crier’ Who Announced Baby King's Birth Just a Freelance Weirdo

When that red-faced becostumed gentleman announced the birth of Prince William and Duchess Kate's baby boy by holding a scroll and yelling, I remember thinking, Is this the IRL Wee Willy Winkie? followed by Boy is the monarchy both charming and weird and outdated. Well, folks — I have to issue a thought retraction.… » 7/24/13 9:30pm 7/24/13 9:30pm