Rumor Has It the Father of Jodie Foster’s Kids Was Gay Casting Director

One of the criticisms of Jodie Foster's already legendary Golden Globes speech was the idea of expounding a need for personal privacy on, you know, a nationally broadcast awards show. Its detractors could have predicted this next turn of events, which, of course, is a resurgence in tabloid stories about Foster,… » 1/15/13 9:00am 1/15/13 9:00am

The Candidates' Wives Regale American Voters With Stories of Chicken…

Both Ann Romney and Michelle Obama are out in full force as Election Day looms, each woman working her hardest to convince our nation's stupidest voters that if you vote for a candidate because you like his wife better than the other candidate's wife, it's your right as an American to never have to tell anyone what a… » 10/26/12 3:00pm 10/26/12 3:00pm

Fox News Mad that The View Was Totally Mean to Ann Romney

Today's episode of The View was supposed to boast a double shot of Romney, but when Mitt backed out due to "scheduling conflicts," his nice wife Ann appeared on the program by herself. And when the hosts of the show asked her about issues rather than gently tossing her nice, Ann-appropriate softballs, the outrage… » 10/18/12 4:00pm 10/18/12 4:00pm

By the Rage of Rafalca: GMA Ruins Ann Romney's Family Recipe

Possible First Lady Ann Romney guest-anchored on Good Morning America this morning and it should have gone great. Whether or not you agree with her husband or her own politics, let's face it — Ann Romney is the perfect candidate to do the morning news. She's bubbly, warm-ish and has a coif of blond hair that never… » 10/10/12 12:30pm 10/10/12 12:30pm

Hey, Let's Manufacture a Catfight Between Ann Romney and Michelle Obama!

Before last night's debate finally ugh'd its way into the record books, the Presidential candidates' wives greeted one another onstage. And when First Lady Michelle Obama and First Romney Ann Romney met to shake hands, camera flashes captured every pursed lip, every microexpression. The pictures of the two tell a… » 10/04/12 6:00pm 10/04/12 6:00pm

Why the Hell Are We Still Holding First Lady Bake-Offs? Stop It. Stop…

Yesterday, Family Circle announced that First Lady and Princeton-educated attorney Michelle Obama's white and dark chip cookie recipe roundly defeated challenger and stay-at-home mom Ann Romney's M&M's cookie recipe. And while it's tempting to joke about the metrics of stay-at-home mom success versus lawyer success,… » 10/03/12 11:30am 10/03/12 11:30am

Mormon Ladies Click Tongues Disapprovingly at Ann Romney's Lack of…

During Ann Romney's appearance on The Tonight Show With Jay Leno, the aspirant First Lady wore what can only be described as a tiered black leather power suit, for the stay-at-home wife and dominatrix who wants to be taken seriously at business biker meetings. Or something. Mistress Romney's suit didn't only raise… » 9/27/12 2:10pm 9/27/12 2:10pm

Ann Romney Will Inevitably Annoy Voters, Says Mitt Romney

Ann Romney's frequently been utilized as a surrogate for her husband in his Presidential campaign, and it's no wonder. She's sweet, friendly, warm, and, most importantly SHE LOOOVES YOUUU WOMEN! But this week, Mittens himself admitted that there is such thing as Too Much Ann Romney, and that if the campaign isn't… » 9/19/12 1:30pm 9/19/12 1:30pm

Rodeo Announcer Says Michelle Obama Belongs in National Geographic

In a move that has brought shame upon the noble profession of rodeo announcing, a lone moe-ron at a small California rodeo has set back mainstream acceptance of airbrushed cowboy hats with hot pink feathered roach clips attached to them by decades. During a rootin', tootin' jamboree this weekend, the announcer made a… » 9/17/12 11:00am 9/17/12 11:00am

Mittbot Romney Cannot Compute that Gay People Have Families

Not sure what they were teaching kids at Cranbrook when Romney was a student, but if any of the curriculum included the lesson "gay people are people, too," Mitt Romney must not have been paying attention. During his time as Governor of Massachusetts, he displayed a truly shocking amount of callousness to gay… » 9/12/12 9:30am 9/12/12 9:30am

Ann Romney Insists That Mittens Does So Have Empathy

This morning on Meet the Press, Ann Romney made an admirable effort to convince the American voters — you know, the folks, the ordinary guys and gals out there pinching pennies, tightening belts and opting for off-brand paper towels — that her husband and Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney wasn't, in fact,… » 9/09/12 9:30pm 9/09/12 9:30pm

Why Ann Romney Won't Answer Questions About Birth Control and Gay…

Let's start this post with a personal TMI anecdote: many moons ago, I was going out with this guy who had been acting terribly shady for awhile. I had a feeling he was cheating on me, and the next time he was at my house, I asked him about it. "Are you cheating on me?" His response, which I'd later learn was among the… » 9/07/12 6:40pm 9/07/12 6:40pm

Ugh, Fuck This: Lessons of the RNC

I'm sure Tampa, Florida is a lovely city when it isn't flooded with thousands of people in business casual sweating their asses off as they schlep around in 90 degree heat. It must be a pleasant place to be sometimes, when the whole city proper isn't overrun with every cop in Florida outfitted in Ranger Rick khakis… » 8/31/12 11:30am 8/31/12 11:30am

Where the Women Aren't: Drinking in the Republican Lady Lounge

And there, like a mirage, was the place I belonged. A pink logo. Hip, stencilly writing, in the style of a public service announcement warning me to wear a dental dam so as not to spread mouth STD's in 1994. A door propped open, air conditioning wafting out like a snowman fart. The only thing missing was a star… » 8/30/12 2:30pm 8/30/12 2:30pm

Ann Romney Promises Mitt Will Love America Like a Smitten Teen at a…

In an attempt to appeal to female voters, last night the GOP showcased some of its best lady talent, all of whom had some harshly dismissive words about the War on Women (it's a figment of your hysterical imagination) and how Mitt Romney will do things that will make ladies happy. The most noteworthy, touching moment… » 8/29/12 11:30am 8/29/12 11:30am

Ann Romney Does a Serviceable Oprah Impression, Doesn't Say Much About…

So, at the end of Ann Romney's speech — which was billed, more less, like the moment in The Dark Knight when Harvey Dent holds a press conference to reveal the identity of Batman — we still don't know an awful lot about Mittens. The Daily Beast's Michael Tomasky, for example, thought the speech was "okay to good," but » 8/29/12 12:10am 8/29/12 12:10am

Ann Romney's 'My Husband Isn't Terrible!' Speech Moved to Primetime

Woo! It's political convention season! Pancake stage makeup and suits in primary colors and televised political tough talk and speeches given by a candidate's non-political expert loved ones designed to show Americans that, if elected, the candidate's policies would be the equivalent of making gentle marital love to… » 8/27/12 12:10pm 8/27/12 12:10pm