Golden Retriever Loves Watching Football SO FUCKING MUCH OH MY GOD

This golden retriever, much like your cousin Chad, cannot even fucking cope with his excitement about football season. He loves it so much, in fact, that some Septembers he will hop back and forth laterally for NEARLY TWO POINT FIVE MINUTES STRAIGHT. (Much like your cousin Chad.) And that is just the hopping we know… » 9/05/14 4:50pm 9/05/14 4:50pm

Animal Planet Is Giving a Whole New Meaning to 'Labor Day'

If you have nothing to do over Labor Day, why not turn on your computer and spend it watching THE MIRACLE OF LIFE? All holiday weekend, Animal Planet will be showing a live feed on its website of various species giving birth and spoiler alert: it will be intense, slimy and have a damn cute ending. » 8/25/14 7:45pm 8/25/14 7:45pm

30,000 Monkeys Are Wreaking Havoc on India's Capital

Creatively speaking, humankind has put a lot of energy into speculating what could happen when chimps take over the world (there have been — what? — a billion Planet of the Apes movies made by now?), but, as it turns out, it isn't the non-human apes that we should be focusing on, but their rat-faced monkey brethren.… » 7/22/14 4:15pm 7/22/14 4:15pm

Some Genius Designed A Hamster Wheel For Cats

It's called One Fast Cat. At 48-inches across, the circular, cat-powered cat-treadmill is a gigantified version of the exercise wheels commonly associated with lab rodents. It's designed to help your feline companion exercise indoors, when it isn't busy bringing death and destruction to the outside world. » 7/20/14 9:27pm 7/20/14 9:27pm

Florida Woman Leaves Dog to Die As She Shops At Walmart for 13 Hours

There are a lot of things to take away from the story. The first is that there are people out there who are horrible and will leave their dogs to die of heat exhaustion as they shop for low-price goods at unbelievable discounts. The second is that there are people who will spend 13 hours in a Walmart. What is the… » 7/09/14 9:40am 7/09/14 9:40am

Robin Thicke's Paula Lyrics Are as Pathetic as a Soaking Wet Animal

We're all well aware that Paula, Robin Thicke's win-her-back concept album is at best unpalatable and a bit creepy, at worst a crock of pitiful stalker-y shit. Our friends at Vulture have pointed out some of the more particularly passionate (read: shudder-inducing) lyrics on his various tracks, and here at Jezebel,… » 7/02/14 5:45pm 7/02/14 5:45pm