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posts about #anaffairtoforget more → Elizabeth Edwards On Oprah: "There's No Excuse For Women" To Sleep With Married Men
New York, 12:26 PM
Thu Nov 12
73 posts in the last 24 hours
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Elizabeth Edwards On Oprah: "There's No Excuse For Women" To Sleep With Married Men |
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05/08/09
That is all.
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I never thought I would say this to anyone but you need some sort of religion. Pick one, any one of the big ones. Follow their teachings. You are lacking a moral framework from which to make decisions.
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First off I am surprised a little by people seeming to throw out the "women are expected to behave better then boys" excuse for this topic. I'll concede that there is a higher standard but what this means to me is we need to hold guys up to it not drop ours for ourselves.
As for I am the other women and I owe the wife/girlfriend nothing...how about solidarity. As a feminist it always amazes me that we stand up for each other on some things but we still fall into this patriarchy system of competing with each other. "Well maybe she's smarter but I'm hot" "Maybe she's hot but she's dumb" Why ladies do we judge each other like this! Part of why some of us have issue with self esteem and don't feel like we deserve the best is because there is always someone to tell you that you don't. And this causes us to judge our own self worth based on what other females we can beat out. I admit I am guilty of this too but I try and catch myself.
I am not trying to judge but I think you can probably assume that I am completely against cheating. I have grown up with more male friends then females partially because I do not understand the female frame of mind sometimes. I have seen my friends chase after someone else in a relationship only to collapse in tears when they "think" their SO is cheating on them.
And what gets me the most is I can chase after someone in a relationship because he can say no. Do you realize this still causes problems in their relationships. I am dating a wonderful guy. He has one girl who is very young that feels it is totally appropriate to call/text him and call him baby, sexy, tell him she misses him, does he still love her, she just hit 18 and she's such a big girl that he would be proud of her ect ect. This is a girl that when he used to be single would try all the time to date him…and apparently still is. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is not the cheating type but I also know we get into fights about her because I think she is disrespectful to me because she knows I am in his life. He feels I should trust him, and I do. So this is an issue where my problem is with the other girl not him, he isn't doing anything wrong she is. Now tell me, when she gets a man she truly loves in her life, am I justified in finding out who this man is an throwing myself at him? By some of your arguments I would be, I don't owe her anything. This all just sits wrong with me.
/end rant
05/08/09
You are right, we women are always in competition with one another, and I wish I had something intelligent or insightful to say about it, but it is what it is. I wish it wasn't tha tway. I've said before on this thread, when I'm out with my boyfriend, many girls try to get his attention ESPECIALLY when I'm with him (girls that are in our extended social group).
It's difficult to find those hardcore female friends who have your back, aren't trying to bring you down, compete with you, and aren't trying to bang your boyfriend. I have one or two very trustworhty female friends, and I consider myself lucky. But I also gravitate toward male friendships, girls are fucking annoying sometimes.
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sorry I got worked up and just typed away because its a topic I am very passionate about.
05/07/09
Somehow I think, though, if we stay together I am going to see if I can make the open thing continue. Anyone have any success with that?
05/08/09
Check out Loving More and their links page for more practical info:
[www.lovemore.com]
05/07/09
On the other hand, when other issues come up, you revert back to a form of slut-shaming of the "other" woman, with the unsaid assumption that there is a little woman back at that man's house, with a Heart of Gold! Isn't life more complex than that? Is it that two-dimensional? Is the whole don't-pass-judgment-on-another-woman's-s... for real or is just something this site talks about but never happens, like so many Penthouse Forum articles? I think the site doesn't pass judgment sometimes and is brutal judging women in other situations. I find it confusing.
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Does it matter if she's a good person? Does it change the fact that your - and his - actions are still hurting another person? That's the thing I don't get. Slut shaming is one thing, and it's wrong - people make mistakes, people act impulsively, whatever. But there's a difference between slut shaming and attacking someone for what can be perceived as selfishness.
The flippant nature of some of the comments I've been reading - "I didn't know her, he was the one who was lying, so whatever" - those have really disturbed me. Because - at least to me - it's not about whether or not it's wrong to have casual sex, or irresponsible sex. It's about not caring about the repercussions of your actions. Of the hurt that your participation might cause.
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Now, what about a wife who cheats? The husband is a bastard, a mean drunk, physically and emotionally absent. But he provides for her children. He may cheat, he might not. A man hasn't touched her sexually in a year. She burns to be touched. What about her?
05/07/09
This reads like a bad fanfiction.
Anyway. Actions have consequences. If you sleep with a married person you had better be prepared to deal with the ramifications of your choice. You can't expect to come out of it unscathed. If you do, well that's your problem.
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05/07/09
My husband cheated on me before we were married, while were in a long-distance relationship.
I have never been so broken-hearted. And that was before marriage, before being together twenty years, with a family. I can't imagine what THAT must feel like.
Yes, I forgave him. It was a long road. I do not blame the 'other woman.' I blamed HIM for being a PECKERHEAD.
05/07/09
She came off as very perplexed and at the same time, almost too self-possessed. When Michele Norris read a passage from her book about the infidelity, EE said, "You did that very well, Michele." There was no irony, it was an actual compliment. That gave me chills.
[www.npr.org]
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I was going to invite you to a stoning too. But they already had it today-as you know.
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Some have said that it's easier for a woman to be mad at the 'other woman' because she loves her man and doesn't want to believe he's capable of being so scummy. Yeah, but it's not just the wife/girlfriend/whatever who blames the 'other woman.' It's an attitude w/in our culture. It's always some 'homewrecker' seducing the man who just couldn't control himself. One need look no further than the media coverage of the Brad/Angelina/Jen debacle to see evidence of this. The person who cheats is the homewrecker; it's their home after all, and they're the ones who are responsible for staying true to their commitments.
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05/07/09
I'm not trying to be sarcastic here--I'm honestly curious why causing some kinds of pain to people you don't know is considering more acceptable than causing other kinds of pain. Because a lot of people use this argument, but certainly don't go around living their lives in a way that causes the least amount of pain to other people. Nor should they, I would imagine.
05/07/09
and continuing on that road, what a sham that is right? a boss giving you a title even though it is publicly filled by someone else. accepting such a title is comparable to being trapped in your own fantasy world which is what a lot of "other men/women" have described their experiences to be. now is accepting the title worth shaming you for? hell no. even if the title is a sham, you still are getting the perks (i.e. sex), but using the other person's poor job performance as an excuse to take some of the sting out of your decision, while understandable, isn't going to cut it.
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I was cheated on once, and I swore I'd never do that to somebody else--either cheat on them or be the other woman. And then I was pursued by a handful of guys who were still in relationships, and found them easy enough to resist until they were out of the relationships, so that just reinforced my position.
And then I found myself in a situation where I was being pursued by a guy who was in a serious relationship. And this relationship had died out a long time ago and they treated each other carelessly (she in particular treated him badly)--this is not an excuse or something I bought because he told me, this is something I saw firsthand because he was a close friend and I had known him for years. And I knew he wouldn't have the balls to leave her without an excuse. So I let myself be the excuse.
Honestly, the only time I ever felt bad about it was the morning after it happened and I had sobered up. Because the more time that passed, the more obvious it became that all three of us were significantly happier because of it. He broke up with her. He and I dated briefly and casually and then split up painlessly. He was happy to be done with a self-destructive relationship and was able to focus on school and leave for the Peace Corps at the end of the year without having to deal with long distance relationship drama. And the two of them stayed friends because she got to blame me for the break-up instead of him or herself . . . plus she quickly got into a relationship with somebody else who made her happier.
Which is not to say that I approve of cheating in all or even most circumstances, just that I've learned that not all situations are black and white. It even made me take a look at my own relationship where I had been cheated on and made me realize that we were all significantly happier in the long run because of it, too. If he hadn't cheated on me, I would have found some excuse to stay in that relationship and be miserable.
Just because a situation causes pain to an innocent person does not mean that it should be avoided at any cost.
05/07/09
very true, but own up to yours. a lot of third parties claim they own up to their behavior but still slips in the "but i didn't know him/her" as if that's supposed to absolve them in any way. it doesn't.
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