Tattoos Are No Longer Taboo, Unless You're A Jewish Nana

Reese Witherspoon Tells Jake Gyllenhaal What To Do

• Whoa, Reese Witherspoon runs a tight ship! And now that Jake Gyllenhaal has moved in, he has to abide by the rules: "Reese believes in wide-open communication, and she discussed at length with him what is best for her household,” sez a source. "Some of (the things she insists on) are run-of-the-mill. He has to take off his shoes when he’s in the house; trash must be taken out when the can is three-quarters full; and no feet on the coffee table." Plus! "Jake used to swear like a sailor, but not anymore. If he does, he has to apologize." [MSNBC]
• Jennifer Lopez doesn't let her twins "repeat" clothes: They wear a new designer outfit every day. They also have Waterford crystal bottles. That's a joke. Maybe. [Showbiz Spy]
• Madonna, Guy Ritchie and the kids went for a stroll in New York, so is the marriage really on the rocks? [Mirror]

The World Wigs Out Over Angelina, Brad's Latest Additions

• OMG twins! Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline were born to Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt one minute apart on Saturday evening. Apparently Brad was in the delivery room as doctors performed a C-section on Angie: Knox weighed in at slightly over 5 pounds, and Vivienne weighed 5 pounds. Now comes the speculation over the how much photographs of the bébés are worth: The couple has maybe sold the rights to a U.S. publication — maybe People — and the proceeds will go to charity. The number being thrown around is $11 million. [AP]
• Darryn Lyons, owner of Big Pictures, a celebrity photo agency, claims that pix of the twins are worth between $15 and $20 million. The only other photos that "would possibly come that close is Britney Spears giving birth to an alien," he says. [AP]
• Quentin Tarantino is flying to France to meet with Brad Pitt — but about a movie, not about the twins. [Page Six]
• Josh Brolin, Jeffrey Wright and other members of the crew from Oliver Stone's movie W were arrested in a bar fight early Saturday morning in Shreveport, LA. Maybe someone made a Karl Rove joke? [AP]

Amy Winehouse Makes Her Country Proud

Nicole Richie: Mother, Author, TV Producer

• Nicole Richie's 2005 novel, The Truth About Diamonds, is being made into a TV series! And Nicole is gonna be on the program. "I would definitely produce and definitely be in the show," Nicole says. She adds: "I don't know if I need to be the star of this show." Haha, so humble. She was pretty funny on The Simple Life, to be honest. Not that we watched… [E!, Yahoo News]
• Jessica Alba's baby, Honor Warren, is the latest celebrity infant to land a cover deal with OK! magazine. Jess and hubby Cash raked in $1.5 million for pictures of the baby now — and one other "event" like Christmas, Thanksgiving or a vacation. Hopefully the dough is going into a college fund or something and not being spent on shoes. [TMZ]
• Looks like Alicia Keys will sing the theme for the new Bond film. Guess Amy Winehouse never finished her track, despite having Mark Ronson helping her. [E!]
• Amy Winehouse participated in a DJ battle at a pub near her house in North London… And lost. [Reuters]
• At the DJ battle, Amy Winehouse was seen with a "white substance" up her nose. [The Sun]

Posh Spice In Plane Panic!

• Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham was on a plane with kids Romeo and Cruz when a bird flew into one the of the aircraft's engines right before take-off. According to The Sun, "Passengers screamed as the pilot slammed on the brakes and the plane screeched to a halt. It was then that the horrifying scale of the disaster really hit home for Victoria — she realised she was wearing standard-issue aircraft pyjamas and no make-up." [The Sun]
• Amy Winehouse hit her own damn bodyguard. Get a grip, girl! [The Sun]
• And here's a man who says Amy Winehouse punched him in the face three times at a pub. Is this new news? It's so hard to tell. [The Sun]
• Jamie Lynn Spears and new baby! Picture! [ONTD, via OK!]
• Is Mary-Kate Olsen heading back to rehab? Midweek Madness will have more on this later. [Star]

Madonna & Guy: Staying Married After All?

• Madonna speaks! "My husband and I are not planning on getting a divorce. I know Alex Rodriguez through Guy Oseary, who manages both of us. I brought my kids to a Yankee game. I am not romantically involved in any way with Alex Rodriguez. I have nothing to do with the state of his marriage or what spiritual path he may choose to study." [People]
• And yet! Alex Rodriguez's wife has left him. A source says: "The embarrassment over Madonna was the last straw. She flew to Paris to get out of town before everything blew up between them. There is no affair with Lenny Kravitz. They are good friends." [People]
• This report says Guy Ritchie wants the marriage to work for Rocco's sake. Apparently he loves Rocco "the most." A source says: "He absolutely adores Lourdes and David and has always treated them as if they were his own. But Rocco is Guy's flesh and blood." [Sunday Mirrror]
• Madonna's brother's book says Madge kissed Gwyneth Paltrow on the lips at a Donatella Versace party, which, frankly, is not so shocking. [The Sun]
• Model Lily Cole and Jude Law: It's on. And she spent the night. [Mirror]
• By the by! Jude is 35 and Lily is 20. [ONTD]
• Christina Applegate's boyfriend, Lee Grivas, was found dead in his apartment last week. The 26-year-old had a history of drug abuse. [Fox News]

Angelina Jolie Baby Watch, Take Two

• Angelina Jolie MAY have given birth to twins in France this morning. Stay tuned. [Just Jared]
• Former American Idol star Paris Bennett is pregnant, you guys. She's 19 and the father "chooses not to be in the public eye." But! Paris "has a ring." So everything is fine. [People]
• Is Sandra Bernhard over Madonna? Apparently she ranted about Madge at a show in Toronto, taunting celebs who brag about exercising for three hours: "Why don't you rub some salt in the wounds of the people who have to work 14 hours a day?" Plus! Madonna's been traveling from her home in Manhattan to rehearsals in Brooklyn and apparently her drivers "race like madmen" and run red lights to get her there and back. [Page Six]
• Guy Ritchie is in New York now, too. And neither he nor Madonna have been seen wearing wedding bands. Madge's spokesperson, Liz Rosenberg, says: "Madonna has rarely worn a wedding band over these last six years, so there's no secret message about that." [People]
• But! This report says Guy is in the Big Apple to discuss finances, assess assets and plan out the divorce from Madonna, sigh. [Mirror]
• Madonna's childhood home was destroyed by a fire over the weekend, and the blaze is "suspicious," uh-oh. [Breitbart]

Nelson Mandela Turns 90 • Amy Winehouse Gets Grabby At Glastonbury

Sienna Miller & (Married Man) Balthazar Getty: It's On

• The latest on Sienna Miller is that she had "secret dates" with Balthazar Getty before breaking up with Rhys Ifans. Balthazar, as you may know, is the son of Jean Paul Getty III, who was kidnapped in 1973 and had his ear sliced off and mailed to a newspaper. His grandfather JP Getty was once one of the richest men in the world. Balthazar is married. He has four kids, the youngest of whom was born in October 2007. So. If this romance is true, it may be ill-advised. [The Sun]
• Balthazar's wife is "furious" and speaking with divorce lawyers today. [Mirror]
• Guess who is helping Sienna's ex, Rhys Ifans, get over his breakup? Kate Moss. [The Sun]
• This video is of Amy Winehouse throwing elbows and punches during her Glastonbury performance on Saturday night. Apparently some idiot tried to grab her hair. If so, this person got off easy. [BBC News]
• This report says someone tried to grab Amy's breasts. [CNN]
• At the concert, apparently Amy started out confident but ended up "forgetful, slurry and angry." [The Sun]

This Week We Went To Prom And Got Incarcerated

• You sent us your prom pictures! There were many a mullet. We bet that one of you slept with your mulleted prom dates in the back of a Trans Am.
• Judge Judy will always be our superhero.
• We met a profesh douche named Dmitri.
• Anne Hathaway's No goodnick (now ex) boyfriend Raffaello Follieri turned out to be a total con artist. Instead of yachting on the Riviera, he's going to be yelping at Rikers.
• We fell in love with Mary Kate Olsen just a little.
• It's Friday. Shake your insured booty all weekend long.

Why Does Jennifer Lopez Hide In The Storage Closet At Airports? (Hint: It's Not The Paparazzi!)

• First Class lounges aren't really exclusive enough for Jennifer Lopez anymore, but she's got a resourceful fix: she slips through a mysterious unmarked door in the lounge, giving the illusion she is entering some platinum VIP area, when really she's just hiding in a storage closet. Yeah, I couldn't have made that shit up either. [MSNBC]
• Oh shit, and this JUST HAPPENED: so maybe JLo was just avoiding getting served with the $5 million lawsuit filed by the flight attendant her guard dog attacked. [TMZ]
• But a subpoena in that 1999 nightclub shooting — shit, it sucks when you realize something that feels forever ago actually was forever ago — found her! [NY Post]
• Verne Troyer is suing TMZ for $20 million over that sex tape thing. Not because it's a sex tape, but for copyright reasons. Show of hands: did anyone actually watch the clip of this? I really don't think he lost too many otherwise paying customers. If amateur midget porn is what you're into is a little clip really going to sate you? [TMZ]
• Bill Clinton and Oprah Winfrey ran into each other at Nelson Mandela's 90th birthday party but sources say it didn't seem like they had much to say to one another. [Page Six]
• Will Anne Hathaway put aside the hurt she feels and save the poor puppy Raffaello Follieri can no longer afford to have walked? Well, Anne?? [Page Six]

Comic Confrontations: Judge Judy Vs. Amy Winehouse

Boy George's Visa Problems Make The State Department Spitting Mad

Rolling Stone Writer Convinces Us That Amy Winehouse Is Going To Die

Madonna & Guy "Living Like Sister & Brother"

• The Madonna/Guy Ritchie divorce rumors will not stop. They're leading separate lives, apparently. A source says: "Things have just run their natural course. Although the marriage is coming to an end, they don't want to say anything until the tour is over." Plus! "They live like brother and sister rather than husband and wife and thought it best to call it a day." [Mirror]
• Apparently Amy Winehouse has scarring of the lungs which could lead to emphysema. Not emphysema. And yet! She was seen smoking after leaving the hospital to rehearse. Sigh. [People]
• Amy is rehearsing so she can play that Nelson Mandela gig on Friday night. [Mirror]
• Heath Ledger's mother, father and other family members are flying in for the Dark Knight premiere, but Michelle Williams and daughter Matilda will not attend. A source says Michelle is pissed at the Ledger family because she's seen no money from them since Heath's death — and she is raising his child. Michelle thinks that by the time Matilda reaches 18 and can cash in on her inheritance, there will be none left. [Page Six]
• Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are about to launch a website they claim will be "bigger that MySpace, bigger than Facebook." Also, they plan to "surpass" the Beckhams. [Extra]