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The Worst Thing You've Ever Seen on an Airplane

That’s right, ya coozes! Pissing Contest is back! This week, we’re talking about the worst things that we’ve seen on airplanes and—considering how long it’s been since the last time we did this—I know that you’ve got a bladder full of great stories. Unleash the golden stream and we’ll highlight the best tales of… » 7/24/15 8:00pm Friday 8:00pm

How to Stay Warm on a Cold-Ass Airplane in the Middle of Summer

For the perpetually cold people out there, true misery is being stuck on an airplane, shivering and praying that your toes are still attached to your feet. When you ask an unsympathetic flight attendant if they could adjust the cabin temperature, your speech is slurry—a sign of hypothermia. » 7/01/15 4:20pm 7/01/15 4:20pm

I Will Rearrange My Entire Life Just to Avoid Getting on an Airplane

I dream when I sleep. In these dreams, airplanes are made of glass, runways are rickety roller coasters, and when I try to hold the hand of the person sitting next to me, his face is as blank as an unused easel. Then I realize his hand is cold because he is either a crash test dummy, or he is already dead.
» 5/07/15 2:50pm 5/07/15 2:50pm

Southwest Airlines Apologizes for Misplacing Elderly Woman

Eighty-five-year-old Alice Vaticano was supposed to be wheeled to the Southwest Airlines gate to catch her flight home to Denver, but instead a "processing error" left her stranded in a wheelchair in Newark for 11 hours. Vaticano, who is "sometimes forgetful," didn't know where she was, and had no choice but to sit… » 8/27/14 3:50pm 8/27/14 3:50pm

Flight Makes Emergency Landing After Man Uses Anti-Reclining Device

Flying is a terrible indignity and if my entire family didn't live in the Midwest, I'd never do it because no trip up the majestic coast of California is worth 12+ total hours of X-raying, shoe removing, recycled baby poop air breathing, awkward water glass spilling knee bumping claustrophobia. Plus, what's the deal… » 8/26/14 1:45pm 8/26/14 1:45pm

Your Latest Reason to Hate Flying: Scary Germs Everywhere

It's a technological marvel, sure, but flying is generally miserable and, for those of us who're a little phobic, terrifying too. And now there's yet another reason to squirm in your seat with discomfort: germs! Apparently, invisible goodies like MRSA and E. coli stick around airplanes for way too long. » 5/20/14 4:50pm 5/20/14 4:50pm

The Craziest Theories About What Happened to Malaysia Flight 370

It's been nearly a week since Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 disappeared somewhere between Kuala Lumpur and Beijing, and we still have basically no idea where it went. Chatter about the missing plane (MISSING! AN ENTIRE GREAT BIG PLANE!!!) has grown more frantic and more bewildered by the day, and at this point a lot of… » 3/13/14 6:45pm 3/13/14 6:45pm

Flying Anywhere This Week Is Absolute Hell on Earth

If you tried to fly over the past week, chances are you spent hours or days trapped in an airport, slowly going insane. This is because relying on airplanes for transport into or out of cold climates during January is the height of foolishness, and unless I have to, I'm never going to do it again. It's a half-miracle… » 1/07/14 3:30pm 1/07/14 3:30pm

Here's What It Feels Like to Be a Fat Person on a Plane.

On a crack-of-dawn flight from New York City to Seattle recently, I had my first ever, um, altercation with a seat mate. I'd almost missed the plane—I was that person staggering on board just before the doors closed—and I'm sure he thought he was going to have the row all to himself. I flashed him an apologetic smile… » 12/24/13 11:00am 12/24/13 11:00am

A Guide to Everyone You Hate on Planes, and How Not to Be One of Them

Ugh, people are the worst. Most days, I can barely even look at them. The way they eat, the way they breathe, the way they look at you all needy with their eyes wanting you to care about them. It's disgusting. So it's no surprise that a survey about things people hate most about other people on planes revealed that… » 12/16/13 2:20pm 12/16/13 2:20pm