Let's Settle This Once and For All: Is Sex Sexy or Not?

I'm just gonna blow my load up front and work back from there: Yes, sex is sexy. Good sex is sexy. Bad sex is not sexy. You would think that this immutable truth would be obvious but it is not obvious. Nothing illustrates this more than two things on social media right now that seem to miss this essential distinction. » 7/23/14 6:00pm Yesterday 6:00pm

Letting a Child Pick Her Sippy Cup Color Will Not Destroy Society

Apparently, there is a crisis in modern parenting. It's not that there's no paid parental leave, affordable daycare, or better-funded public schools, it's that parents are letting their children pick their own Sippy cup color, directly contributing to the utter squalor that is Modern Society. Oh No. What Will We Do. » 7/15/14 2:00pm 7/15/14 2:00pm

White Lady Drives Mercedes to Pick Up Food Stamps; Chaos Ensues

Darlena Cunha had it so good in 2008 for a white woman from an affluent suburb with a college degree: She and her husband earned $120k, twins on the way, a house worth $250k. Then the market crashed, husband lost his (journalism) job, and the preemies needed costly formula. Their solid middle class income now clocked… » 7/10/14 1:00pm 7/10/14 1:00pm

Adorable 100-Year-Old Wishes He Maybe Banged More Friends' Wives

At 99 years young, Los Angeles resident and lawn bowling aficionado Fred Fox is feeling his age — he needs pills so he can digest food properly. He can't feel his legs. His feet are all tingly. He has to piss every two hours through the night. But none of that adds up to the regret of wondering if he maybe should've… » 7/06/14 5:15pm 7/06/14 5:15pm

​College 101: The Real Deal About Hooking Up

Though the mainstream media seems to be endlessly fascinated with every facet of millennial life, few outlets are able (or more likely, willing) to capture the nuanced truth that fails to align neatly with sensationalist headlines. One of the most notorious (and mind-numbingly annoying) topics middle-aged journalists… » 6/06/14 6:00pm 6/06/14 6:00pm

What to Do When You Catch Your Daughter Masturbating With a Hand Mixer

Dear Prudence is a fantastic column that answers some of life's most important questions: What do you do when an annoying co-worker asks you to pass along a resume? What's the proper way to get someone to move out? And of course: How do you talk to your daughter about catching her en flagrante with a hand mixer? Man,… » 6/04/14 5:30pm 6/04/14 5:30pm

​What It's Like When Your Job Actually Treats You Like an Adult

I've worked a fast food drive-thru, waited tables, baked bread, slogged it out in corporate copyediting, worked at an alt-weekly, juggled freelance, and this one time I worked at a Ponderosa for three days. Looking back, only two of those jobs offered adult-like working conditions: Produce results, and we won't hassle… » 5/16/14 12:40pm 5/16/14 12:40pm

Every Healthy Morning Habit You Should Adopt Right Now

Ever wonder why your life isn't any better than it is? It's probably because you aren't engaged in a series of time-tested healthy habits bright and early in the a.m. to get your day rarin' to go. Healthy, successful, beautiful people do certain things first thing upon waking, and so should the rest of us. Studies… » 5/02/14 11:20am 5/02/14 11:20am

What Is a 'Sophisticated Handjob,' and Isn't It an Oxymoron?

I'm immature when it comes to a lot of things, but especially when it comes to handjobs. The reason is simple: Handjobs are hilarious. It's not possible to give one with a straight face when that face belongs to me. It is perhaps the most awkward motion to endeavor ever for someone not in possession of a penis. It is… » 4/24/14 12:20pm 4/24/14 12:20pm