After a crushing defeat in Indiana, the soggiest senator Ted Cruz announced that he would end his presidential campaign. The decision was no doubt a blow to the small pocket of Christian conservatives who had, above all odds, held out hope that this snarling bespawler would somehow trounce Donald Trump. But it was not…
When you aren’t giving a stump speech, the campaign trail is a chance to prove you’re a nice, fun-loving American who likes things that nice, fun-loving Americans like. Repellant also-ran Ted Cruz’s target demographic involves impressing people who love to pray, shoot, and, importantly, eat.
At a rally in La Porte, Indiana on Sunday, Carly Fiorina introduced the Cruz family before immediately falling off a low stage.
Donald Trump looks like he has been spray-tanned in Cheetos Orange. I know it, Madeleine Davies (coiner of the perfect phrase “Cheeto-dusted bloviator”) knows it, Ben Shapiro apparently knows it. We all know it. Glenn Beck was like, “But do you really know it, though?” and stuck his face in a bowl of snack.
The Bernie Sanders campaign is reportedly laying off “hundreds” of staffers who were working in states that have already voted in the primaries. The news is potentially a sign that Bernie and company are preparing for defeat or that they don’t want to keep people on payroll unless needed.
Melania Trump, the United States’ potential future First Lady, has been notably silent throughout her husband’s presidential campaign. A new profile by Julia Ioffe in GQ provides more insight into Melania’s state of mind than any of her vacant soundbites have previously, as well as glimpses into her upbringing in…
On the eve of the New York primary, Samantha Bee turned her attention to the Bernie Bro, the “naive kids who believe in wizards and unicorns.”
Sun-kissed ass plug Donald Trump’s foreign policy team is notoriously a joke. (He has said that he is his own primary foreign policy adviser—Why? Because he’s trying to induce an epidemic of congestive heart failure.) According to the Washington Post, it may, somehow, be even more of a joke than we thought.
This week, Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg appeared to publicly denounce the political positions of Donald Trump’s presidential campaign during the keynote speech of the company’s annual F8 developer conference.
On Thursday evening, while Democratic candidates Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders wore away at each other and the nation with an aural nail file, Republican candidates attended a gala with 800 of their closest donors.
Ted Cruz, that bloated fragment of sea junk, seemingly forgot that he would ever have to deal with the state that he publicly insulted on the debate stage in January. But of course he has to deal with New York, because it’s New York, and he’s running for president. And New York is now like, “Haha, no thanks.”
Uncooked chicken breast Donald Trump is not doing well with the ladies, although he would sooner die than admit it.
Former Breitbart News reporter Michelle Fields has been run out of her apartment after BuzzFeed and Fox News apparently accidentally published her personal information in unredacted copies of Corey Lewandowski’s police report.
On Wednesday, 16 conservative female members of the media joined together to put out a well-intentioned if demented letter urging Donald Trump, their party’s leading presidential candidate, to admit that a woman’s experience might be worth considering.
Corey Lewandowski, Donald Trump’s campaign manager, has been charged with misdemeanor battery after he allegedly assaulted former Breitbart News reporter Michelle Fields in early March.
At 5:43 p.m. on Easter Sunday, Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner welcomed the newest member of their gold-plated dynasty, Theodore James. While he probably isn’t the next coming of Jesus, he will likely be raised to think he is.
On Tuesday, the National Enquirer released an article claiming that the judgmentally Christian Ted Cruz was rumored to have had up to five affairs while married to his wife Heidi. Further gossip suggests that Breitbart News knew this but, for some reason, did nothing with the information.
Trump rallies have become vaguely political fronts for white supremacist-sponsored fight clubs, with attendees (protestors and supporters alike) accepting the very real possibility that they will be punched. But not horses. The horses didn’t ask for any of this.
On Tuesday evening, John Kasich won the primary in his home state, Ohio. The win is whatever—it doesn’t do much to put a dent in Donald Trump’s major lead—but it did give us this video of the campaign celebrating.