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Former Miss Universe, Called 'Ms. Housekeeping' By Trump, Comes Out to Fight the 'Great Monster' 

Donald Trump—a hunk of beef jerky that rolls under the couch and is left there to harden, becoming covered in dust and cat hair until a cockroach takes it back to its lair and makes it his wife—is known for his obsession with women in bathing suits walking around without speaking. Such a specific obsession ultimately…

A True Conversation I Had With My Very Woke Baby After Hillary Clinton's Historic Win

Last night, my two-year-old son and I watched Hillary Clinton deliver her historic victory speech on CNN, me sucking down a double bottle of Pinot Grigio through two straws I jammed together; my gifted child guzzling milk from both of my desiccated breasts. (How can I tell him no? He’s a growing boy, thirsty for…

Listen to a Clip of Hillary Clinton's Astoundingly Prescient 1969 Commencement Speech

In 2016, Hillary Clinton has secured enough delegates to become the first woman nominee of a major political party. In 1969, Clinton-then-Rodham was the first student to ever give a commencement speech at Wellesley’s graduation. Now, the women’s college has begun posting audio clips of the speech in what is likely…

Cable News Chose to Air Footage of Trump's Empty Podium Instead of Clinton's Union Speech

This election season, the media has found itself wrapped up in a perpetual cycle of self-loathing and self-adulation. We are, by our own estimation, both acutely to blame for the rise of abandoned roadside ham hock Donald Trump, and unimpeachable public servants, guilty only of doing our job.

Donald Trump’s Latest Hillary Attack Ad Is Fucking Gross

On Monday, swollen earthworm gizzard Donald Trump posted a short Instagram video in which interviews with women who allege that former President Bill Clinton assaulted them are spliced together with Hillary Clinton’s laughter, coupled with a question: Is Hillary really protecting women? The ad is exploitive, foul,…

Washington Post: Hillary Clinton Needs to Start Thinking About Men's Feelings

We have seen our fair share of bad takes this election cycle—we’ve seen the personal essay (ie. “Why the Feminist Vote Is a Vote for Jeb”), the unexpected turn (ie. “You Might Think Hillary Is a Woman—Here’s Why She Isn’t”), the outrage-bait garbage (ie. “A Liberal Case for Donald Trump”) (that one’s real).

A Comprehensive Timeline of Carly Fiorina's Historically Short VP Run

After a crushing defeat in Indiana, the soggiest senator Ted Cruz announced that he would end his presidential campaign. The decision was no doubt a blow to the small pocket of Christian conservatives who had, above all odds, held out hope that this snarling bespawler would somehow trounce Donald Trump. But it was not…

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Glenn Beck Stuck His Face Into Cheetos to Look Like Donald Trump and It Makes Me Feel Bad

Donald Trump looks like he has been spray-tanned in Cheetos Orange. I know it, Madeleine Davies (coiner of the perfect phrase “Cheeto-dusted bloviator”) knows it, Ben Shapiro apparently knows it. We all know it. Glenn Beck was like, “But do you really know it, though?” and stuck his face in a bowl of snack.

Melania Trump Has a Secret Half-Brother and Was Raised by a Man Just Like Donald 

Melania Trump, the United States’ potential future First Lady, has been notably silent throughout her husband’s presidential campaign. A new profile by Julia Ioffe in GQ provides more insight into Melania’s state of mind than any of her vacant soundbites have previously, as well as glimpses into her upbringing in…