Chill, America: Donald Trump Is Not Going to Win

Do any of you sometimes suddenly remember that you’re going to die? And you have to talk yourself out of panic by reminding yourself that it’s not going to be for a long, long time, and when it finally happens it probably won’t be as bad as you fear? The same thing happens when I remember that there is a chance that… »11/24/15 9:00am11/24/15 9:00am

Former Children's Doctor Ben Carson Compassionately Compares Refugees to Rabid Dogs

On Thursday, leading GOP presidential candidate and retired pediatric neurosurgeon Ben Carson compared scared children and parents seeking asylum in the United States to rabid dogs, which is not the kind of compassion I would expect a former pediatric neurosurgeon to have. »11/20/15 10:00am11/20/15 10:00am

The Clintons Have Raised $3 Billion By Being Obsessively Nice

Over the past 41 years of public life, Hillary and Bill Clinton have amassed a web of fiercely loyal donors who have contributed a total of $3 billion to their charity and various political campaigns. And they have done it by being nice. By being exceptionally shrewd, calculating politicians, but also by being really,… »11/19/15 10:44am11/19/15 10:44am

CBS Will Shift Focus of Tonight's Democratic Debate to Paris Attacks

In the wake of the Paris attacks, CBS News said that it has reworked the focus of tonight’s Democratic debate. Steve Capus, the executive editor of CBS News, told the New York Times, that his team immediately changed the questions for the Democratic candidates which will now focus on the attacks, terrorism and… »11/14/15 12:45pm11/14/15 12:45pm

Ben Carson Beats Donald Trump in Race to Top of New York Times Bestseller List

Presidential candidate and dusty barrel of fermented peepee Donald Trump is exclusively a Power Top in all aspects of life, which is why I’m sure he is devastated to learn that his prop book will debut below his opponent Ben Carson’s prop book on the New York Times bestseller list. »11/12/15 5:30pm11/12/15 5:30pm

I Can't Believe We Still Have an Entire Goddamn Year Until Election Day

The first ballots in this election will be cast in only a few short months, Fox Business News waxed quixotic during last night’s GOP presidential debate coverage. The thought comforted me for about a second. Then I remembered that while the February 1 Iowa caucuses draw swiftly nigh, we still have a goddamn year… »11/11/15 1:10pm11/11/15 1:10pm

Hillary Clinton Releases Plan to Improve Health Care for Female Veterans

On Tuesday, Hillary Clinton released a number of policy proposals specifically aimed at the Department of Veteran’s Affairs and the Veteran’s Health Administration. Among these proposals include a special focus on increasing quality of care for women and transgender veterans. »11/11/15 11:55am11/11/15 11:55am

Ronda Rousey Is Feeling The Bern 

Grumpy old man and Democratic presidential candidate, Bernie Sanders, has earned the endorsement of Ronda Rousey. The UFC champion (and future star of the highly anticipated Road House reboot) told Maxim that she was supporting Sanders “because he doesn’t take any corporate money.” “I don’t think politicians should be… »11/10/15 10:00pm11/10/15 10:00pm