Insulting Michelle Obama Totally Fine, Insulting Ann Romney Totally Out of Bounds

Breaking! Mitt Romney changed his mind about something! Remember earlier this year, when a liberal commentator made that remark about Ann Romney being a stay at millionaire's wife who hadn't worked a day in her life? And remember how everyone leapt to defend Mrs. Romney because, to be fair, having five kids is kind… »7/30/12 5:40pm7/30/12 5:40pm

Michele Bachmann Still Around, Endorses Mitt Romney

Minnesota Congresswoman/America's Pretty Hate Machine Michele Bachmann is finally biting the bullet and endorsing her former rival Mitt Romney for President. Romney fans hope that this will bring Bachmann's merry band of people who hate taxes and gays to his side. But can an endorsement erase months of Romney-bashing… »5/03/12 11:55am5/03/12 11:55am

Ann Romney Awkwardly Describes Mitt as 'Wild & Crazy Man Just Waiting to Come Out'

The words "wild" and "crazy" were completely stripped of meaning today as Ann Romney, wife and apparently also the mommy of Presidential candidate Mitt Romney described her husband as a "wild and crazy guy" while Mitt laughed like a kid having his cheeks pinched by a doting aunt. It was weird. »5/01/12 12:00pm5/01/12 12:00pm

'Mischievous, Naughty' Mitt Romney Is Like a Son to His Wife

In a new campaign video, Mitt Romney's wife Ann regales the American people with heartwarming tales of what a fun-loving scamp the Presidential hopeful can be when he's roughhousing with their kids. In fact, she sighs, sometimes having Mittens around the house was a lot like having an extra kid. Inflating her mom… »4/09/12 11:40am4/09/12 11:40am

Mitt Romney Profits Handsomely from Premarital Fucking

Mitt Romney's unleashed some pretty tough anti-birth control talk this campaign season. He's stated repeatedly that he believes that life begins at conception, and that the morning after pill is murder. Interestingly enough, Mitt Romney's gigantic stock portfolio contains a fair amount of money actually invested in… »2/08/12 9:45pm2/08/12 9:45pm

Michele Bachmann Is Perfect, Says Michele Bachmann

Former Presidential candidate Michele Bachmann has been busy since dropping out of the race after a disappointing finish in Iowa's caucuses. She's running for reelection to her Minnesota congressional seat, she's firing her staff members, and most of all, she's letting America know that they blew it big time when they… »2/07/12 11:40am2/07/12 11:40am

It's Time to Get Rick Santorum a Uterus of His Very Own

Monday marks the first full day of the 40th year of Roe v. Wade, but the 53rd year, 8th month, and 14th day that Republican Presidential candidate Rick Santorum has existed on this planet without a uterus of his very own. With a public empathetic to poor Rick's plight, advanced medical science, and your generosity, we… »1/23/12 5:00pm1/23/12 5:00pm

Santorum Campaign Worker Believes God Doesn't Want a Female President

A Santorum campaign staffer who wrote that he believes that children would be harmed if a woman became the leader of the State and thus The Lord in his Almighty Electoral Wisdom would never allow a woman to rise to the office of President has refused to recant or apologize for his antiquated views, saying it was a… »1/17/12 7:00pm1/17/12 7:00pm

Rick Santorum's Anti-Abortion Politics Would Have Killed His Own Wife [Updated]

Let's get down to brass tacks: Presidential candidate Rick Santorum, Personhood Pledge-signing, Griswold vs. Connecticut-opposing, Mr. Ban Abortion in All Circumstances With No Exception for the Life of the Mother, believes that the actions of his own wife should be treated as criminal. Why? Because, back in 1996, his… »1/05/12 1:10pm1/05/12 1:10pm

Republicans Want You To Know That They Were Once Very, Very Poor

No modern American political campaign would be complete without the candidates insisting, repeatedly, that they come from Very Humble Backgrounds, and no one likes insisting that they used to be poor more than Republican politicians. Here's a video montage of the 2012 GOP Presidential hopefuls' ongoing war of economic… »12/30/11 5:15pm12/30/11 5:15pm

Ron Paul's Racist Newsletter Explains Why He Hates Blacks, Gays, Everybody

Bewildering libertarian charlatan Ron Paul is in the news again, and it's not for finally discovering gold in California or threatening to burn branches of the Federal Reserve in order to reduce or dependence on foreign energy sources. No, this time Ron Paul's on the hook for writing a whole bunch of really racist… »12/22/11 4:45pm12/22/11 4:45pm

Palin Hints At Presidential Run, Ruins Christmas

Remember Sarah Palin? Of course you do. You had weird dreams about her for the second half of 2008, and the sight of her randomly stringing conservative buzzwords together on TV like she's some kind of expert causes you to question the value of your college degree. But just when it seemed like she was riding off into… »12/20/11 11:10am12/20/11 11:10am