White House Considered Replacing Joe Biden With Hillary Clinton

No, this isn't a Leslie Knope stress dream: according to a new book about the 2012 Presidential election, some top White House aides thought it would be a good idea to replace Vice President Joe Biden with then-Secretary of State Hillary Clinton as a way to bolster Obama's floundering approval ratings. Imagine what… »11/01/13 10:25am11/01/13 10:25am


America's First Ever Hindu Congresswoman Will Take the Oath of Office Over the Bhagavad Gita

Last night, Hawaii not only elected Japan-born Mazie Hirono to be the first ever Asian-American woman elected to the Senate, they also elected Democrat Tulsi Gabbard as the first ever practicing Hindu to the US House of Representatives. Hawaii has been declared a Fox News Disaster Zone. »11/07/12 6:20pm11/07/12 6:20pm

Horses & Bayonets & World Peace: The Final Debate's Most Pageant-y Moments

Like an incredibly high stakes Miss America competition, the last Presidential debate of the 2012 election season has come and gone. And because both candidates are fighting to the death over the tiny sliver of undecided voters (really, what amounts to twelve people who own Puddle of Mudd CD's scratching their butts… »10/23/12 11:20am10/23/12 11:20am

Paul Ryan Appeals to Much-Needed Women Voters By Mocking War on Women

The Presidential race is getting pretty horse-racey in the waning days before the election, and both candidates and their running mates are furiously touring Ohio, Florida, and Colorado trying to convince people to vote for them. Today, Paul Ryan included an hilarious new bit of jokemaking in a speech to donors at a… »10/19/12 7:15pm10/19/12 7:15pm

Both Campaigns Want Tonight's Female Presidential Debate Moderator to Shut the Hell Up

DNC Chair Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz reassured the public on Monday that she was pretty sure that during the Presidential debate on Tuesday, the candidates wouldn't forget to talk about women like they did last time. I mean, it's a town hall debate format, so audience members get to ask the questions. Surely one… »10/16/12 11:40am10/16/12 11:40am

A Brief, Exhausting History of Mitt Romney Fighting With Himself About Abortion

Yesterday, Mitt Romney told the Des Moines Register that if he was elected, "there's no legislation with regards to abortion that I'm familiar with that would become part of my agenda." Records scratched, monocles popped, and hand held objects were dropped in surprise. Wasn't this the same guy who had been saying, um, »10/10/12 1:10pm10/10/12 1:10pm

Mitt Romney Is Too Busy Killing Muppets to Answer Kids' Interview Questions

In case you missed it: Less than a week after threatening to murder Big Bird and then chuckling about it in front of millions of horrified but oddly entranced Americans, Presidential Candi-bot Mitt Romney has dealt another overly theatrical middle finger to the kids in America — he's become only the third candidate in… »10/09/12 1:35pm10/09/12 1:35pm

Rick Santorum Sometimes Kills Things He Loves, Says Rick Santorum

Frothy lunatic politician Rick Santorum has been serving as a sort of reluctant surrogate for his formal rival Mittens Romney since he finally conceded the Republican Presidential nomination earlier this year. But that doesn't mean he's gotten any less terrible, or delightfully insane. The latest gem from the mouth of… »10/05/12 1:00pm10/05/12 1:00pm

Mitt Romney's Cokeface, and Other Interesting Moments From Last Night's Boring Ass Debate

Last night, President Obama and Mitt Romney faced off in Denver, in what will likely go down in history as some of the most boring 90 minutes in the history of American television. It was scoreless high school soccer game boring. It was oil change repair shop vintage issue of Reader's Digest with country sensation… »10/04/12 11:30am10/04/12 11:30am

Todd 'Legitimate Rape' Akin Wishes Claire McCaskill Were More Ladylike

Femininity expert and giant elderly fetus Todd Akin is moving his mouth parts and making awful sounds again. This time, rather than sharing his opinions about Rape Science, he's got an opinion about his opponent Senator Claire McCaskill, who he has determined is poised to lose the election because she is less… »9/27/12 7:15pm9/27/12 7:15pm

Vice President Biden Gently Nuzzles Biker Lady's Ear, For Freedom

What did you do this weekend? I went out one night, I stayed in one night, I watched all of Season 2 of Portlandia, made some peach cobbler, and even had an impromptu dance party at a colleague's house. But the highlight of a pretty stellar weekend was staring at this picture of Joe Biden nuzzling a biker woman's ear… »9/10/12 10:40am9/10/12 10:40am

Wives of Presidential Candidates Are More Electable Than Actual Presidential Candidates

Last night, First Lady Michelle Obama blew everyone's hair back at the Democratic National Convention with a speech that pundits called "history-changing," and "dominating." The First Lady didn't come out swinging, she didn't go too deeply into policy, she spoke directly to the American people and vouched for her… »9/05/12 11:30am9/05/12 11:30am

Having a Baby Out of Wedlock Kind of Like Getting Pregnant from Rape, Says Senate Candidate

Tom Smith, a Republican Senate candidate from Pennsylvania, could not believe his girl-power feminist ears last Sunday when he heard that Missouri Senate candidate Todd Akin said that it was impossible for a woman to get pregnant from rape. Women totally can get pregnant from rape, said the esteemed thought leader,… »8/27/12 6:10pm8/27/12 6:10pm

Ann Romney's 'My Husband Isn't Terrible!' Speech Moved to Primetime

Woo! It's political convention season! Pancake stage makeup and suits in primary colors and televised political tough talk and speeches given by a candidate's non-political expert loved ones designed to show Americans that, if elected, the candidate's policies would be the equivalent of making gentle marital love to… »8/27/12 12:10pm8/27/12 12:10pm

Mitt Romney Unwittingly Tells Spanish Language News Outlet that He Loves Vagina

We all misuse slang now and then. When I was in fourth grade, a kid named David told everyone on the playground that women's private parts were called "pajoygens," and no one corrected him. A kid I used to babysit used to refer to her elbows as "boners" (because they're bony?). And I'll never forget the time I was in… »8/14/12 4:20pm8/14/12 4:20pm

Insulting Michelle Obama Totally Fine, Insulting Ann Romney Totally Out of Bounds

Breaking! Mitt Romney changed his mind about something! Remember earlier this year, when a liberal commentator made that remark about Ann Romney being a stay at millionaire's wife who hadn't worked a day in her life? And remember how everyone leapt to defend Mrs. Romney because, to be fair, having five kids is kind… »7/30/12 5:40pm7/30/12 5:40pm

Sarah Silverman Offers Billionaire a Vigorous Scissoring if He Donates to Obama

Sarah Silverman, the voice of the post-2000 female id, has offered an indecent proposal to billionaire Mitt Romney backer Sheldon Adelson — commit $100 million to Barack Obama instead of Mitt Romney, and she'll personally scissor the shit out of his nearly septuagenarian Las Vegas crotch. Then she sorta demonstrates… »7/16/12 3:45pm7/16/12 3:45pm