White House Considered Replacing Joe Biden With Hillary Clinton

No, this isn't a Leslie Knope stress dream: according to a new book about the 2012 Presidential election, some top White House aides thought it would be a good idea to replace Vice President Joe Biden with then-Secretary of State Hillary Clinton as a way to bolster Obama's floundering approval ratings. Imagine what… » 11/01/13 10:25am 11/01/13 10:25am

Being a Myopic Dick About the Election Cost Sean Hannity Half His Audience

Oh, Sean "Don't Worry, Frightened Elderlies, We'd Never Reelect a Colored!" Hannity. It pleases me to laugh at you! All the bizarre, insulated right-wing media rhetoric—which straight-facedly predicted a landslide win for Romney—is coming back to bite them where it hurts a conservative the most. In the dick money. » 1/01/13 1:00pm 1/01/13 1:00pm

Let's Face It—You Are Not Following Through on Any of This 'Resolution' Shit

Well, it's that time of year again—time to say RIP to gross, rickety Old-Man-Baby New Year 2012 and mop up the afterbirth of red, slippery, mewling little new Baby New Year 2013. And with the flip-flapping of the calendar comes your weird superstitious notion that you're suddenly going to have the fortitude to do all… » 12/31/12 7:00pm 12/31/12 7:00pm

Because You Don't Watch Enough Commercials: Here's the Year in Movie Trailers

I only made it to the movie theater about five times this year — once to see Hunger Games, once to see Pitch Perfect and (this is preemptive) three times to see Les Mis back to back to back on Christmas Day. (Sorry, family!) That said, this supercut — containing over 50 of year's best movie trailers — makes 2012… » 12/04/12 7:30pm 12/04/12 7:30pm

If Kids Could Vote, Barack Obama Would Be Double Mega-President

Well, the world might be in the shitter, but at least the future is bright! (Kind of. Except for all the parts that we're systematically covering in shit. But, you know.) In Nickelodeon's annual Kids Pick the President poll, our nation's wise young fake-voters fake-reelected Barack Obama by a landslide, and said… » 10/23/12 6:30pm 10/23/12 6:30pm

Tammy Baldwin Is a Totally Gross Lesbian for Daring Dance at Gay Pride Parade, Says Asshat Republican

If all goes according to plan, come November, Wisconsin Rep. Tammy Baldwin will become the first openly LGBT person elected to the US Senate. But if all goes according to the, uh, Chick-fil-A agenda of one of her opponent's top aides, Baldwin will be defeated, because this one time in 2010, she danced onstage at a gay… » 9/11/12 3:30pm 9/11/12 3:30pm

Is That a Balance Beam in Your Pants or Are You Just Happy That It's Time for Thighlights?

It's Day 3 of Olympic Thighlights and the competition is heating up! (Not really — when it comes to Thighlights, we are all winners.) Today, we take a dip in the pool, soar to new heights on the balance beam, witness some heavy lifting and much, much more. Let's get physical.
» 8/01/12 4:30pm 8/01/12 4:30pm

The Five Most Ridiculous Quotes From Ann Romney

By now, Lady Romney's serene indifference to the world of –- oh, just about anybody who doesn't do horse ballet — has reached legendary status. On her privileged planet, income inequality is a noble thing and you get through college on your man's stock portfolio. For a tour of her best foot-in-mouth musings, we've… » 8/01/12 11:30am 8/01/12 11:30am

These Olympic Bodies are Worth Their Weight in Gold

The 2012 Summer Olympics have kicked off with bang, giving spectators around the globe the chance to cheer on our countries' best athletes as they compete in various feats of strength. Not only do the Olympics offer up the perfect opportunity to take in some magnificent demonstrations of athletic prowess, but they… » 7/30/12 6:00pm 7/30/12 6:00pm

Is Mitt Romney a Race Baiting Felon? (Possibly!)

Irony of ironies: after being booed by an unimpressed crowd at the NAACP convention yesterday, Presidential candidate Mitt Romney turned around and tried to use those boos to get his rich white friends to give him more money at a fundraiser. "Support my run for President! Black people hate me!" And less than… » 7/12/12 1:50pm 7/12/12 1:50pm

Mitt Romney Has No Hope of Winning the Single Women's Vote

Former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney has been awkwardly dancing all over opinion polls since it became clear that he was probably the best that Republican primary voters could do. And while different groups have different levels of regard for the GOP's candidate for President, one group is adamant in their… » 7/11/12 12:50pm 7/11/12 12:50pm

It's Time to Start Caring About 'The Man Vote'

Women. Can't live with 'em, can't judge 'em like they're a voting monolith. At least, that's what pollsters are finding. In fact, it looks like the much-ballyhooed, evasive, and coveted "women's vote" isn't really a persuadable demographic after all; if politicians want to change minds, they should work to appeal to a… » 7/10/12 4:00pm 7/10/12 4:00pm

Michelle Obama and Ann Romney Duke It Out Over Who Has the Better Cookie Recipe

Their husbands may be going to head-to-head in a battle for control of the free world, but Ann Romney and Michelle Obama are right now locked in a heated fight of their own…the battle for cookie recipe supremacy. Oh Christ, are you serious? Yes, yes, it's that special time when the First Lady and her rival are forced… » 6/27/12 11:55pm 6/27/12 11:55pm

Condoleezza Rice Will Not Run for Vice President No Matter How Much We Beg and Plead

Mitt Romney and all of his rich Republican friends got together this past weekend in Utah to pal around and talk about the things rich people talk about. (Horses, horses, horses!) At this gathering, Condoleezza Rice gave a speech that very much impressed all of the big wigs, and immediately everyone was desperate for… » 6/26/12 9:00pm 6/26/12 9:00pm