People hook up in salad bars now, thanks in no small part to a dating site (and now app) called Salad Match. This is just the future we live in, a future where advanced communications technology is being used not to exchanged baking recipes with advanced alien civilizations or decode the orcas’ secret language, but to help people who enjoy bowls of mixed vegetable matter find each other across a modern dating hellscape of craigslist handjob ads and insane first-date contracts. Accept it, embrace it — the world is a dewy head of romaine waiting for your fingers to tear it into small, chewable pieces.
Onward and upward — the New York-based fast-casual salad restaurant called Just Salad has apparently functioned as pretty popular dating bazaar for a while now. Not content to have the salad market cornered with its hands and baby carrot fingers up, Just Salad launched a dating site called Salad Match back in 2010. That was fine and everything, but it wasn’t mobile enough for people seeking out that quick salad connection, so now there’s an app that connects directly into a salad lover’s Facebook profile and suggests eligible salad tossers based on a Venn diagram of shared salad preferences.
When one gets a salad match, all that remains before a rendezvous in front of the sneeze guard is a mutual “Yes,” as in, “Yes, I too enjoy spinach-based salads whose leaves have been only lightly rinsed so that they still taste of the farm, dressed with Craisins, walnuts, and some sort of odiferous cheese. Maybe bleu, but I’m spontaneous, so maybe we’ll just skip the bleu cheese and proceed directly to some hand play behind the salad bar.”
Image via Anna Maltseva/ Shutterstock.