Remember the English guy from last week who deflected rape charges by saying he had probably fallen inside his 18-year-old victim? Turns out he was recently acquitted! So, I was wrong, courts will actually believe anything that comes from the mouth of a rich middle-aged man.

Developer and millionaire Ehsan Abdulaziz, 46, reportedly took two women, aged 18 and 24, home with him after a night at a club. The 18-year-old reported that early in the morning, she woke up to Abdulaziz forcing himself on top of her. Abdulaziz, however, explained to very understanding authorities that he had gone to check if the girl had wanted a t-shirt to sleep in or a taxi home, when she pulled him on top of her. His penis must have been poking out of his underwear, which led to accidental penetration.

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His semen and DNA were found inside the victim, which he said was probably because he had gotten it on his hands after having sex with the 24-year-old. Which means he somehow fell penis and hand first into a woman.

During the trial, Judge Martin Griffiths reportedly allowed the defense to present 20 minutes of evidence in private. The jury acquitted Abdulaziz after a half an hour of deliberations.

“I’m fragile,” Abdulaziz said. “I fell down but nothing ever happened between me and this girl, nothing ever happened.”

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We apologize for the earlier article—it turns out Abdulaziz is fragile and women are holes.


Contact the author at joanna@jezebel.com.

Image via sebra/Shutterstock.