Welcome to Would U?, an academic forum in which Ellie shares her gross crush of the week and ask if you, too, would bang that person. In Ellie’s place, I will ask today’s most important question.

Two questions:

  1. Did you know McDonald’s has a new Hamburglar?
  2. Would you have sex with him?

Would you let the Hamburglar steal your burger and your heart? Would you make the Hamburglar late for a PTA meeting so that the two of you could do it in the McDonald’s bathroom while your fries are getting cold in the dining area?

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Would you end your passionate affair with Grimace because the thought of having sex with a professional hamburger stealer was just too hot for you to handle? Would you share an Oreo McFlurry after the sex and talk about the fact that he should really really really get to that PTA meeting because it’s getting late and people are starting to get suspicious?

So...would you?

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On yesterday’s edition of Would U?, we asked: Would you have sex with Robin Thicke? 9.45% of you said “Of course I would,” 12.59% said “Yes, but I’d probably be depressed afterwards,” 5.56% said “Yes, but only if he made a big donation to RAINN in my name,” 8.66% said “Mayyyyyyybe,” and 64.74% said “I know I DON’T want it, HAHAHA U FEEL ME?”

Image via McDonald’s.


Contact the author at bobby@jezebel.com.