FUCK YOU, 2010
LatestFuck 2010. This year fucking sucked.
This was a terrible, no good, horrible, very bad year. Fuck this year. My fiancé and I broke up. I got audited by the New York State Tax Department and had my fucking wages garnished. I might have to move due to financial bullshit. MY FAVORITE TAMPONS WERE DISCONTINUED. My MacBook keeps crashing. Everything fucking sucks. And it’s not just my personal crap: The entire world was in a fucking downcycle this year.
FUCK YOU 2010!
Fuck the fucking earthquake in Haiti. Fuck the piles and piles of dead. Fuck the election and fuck the devastating outbreak of cholera.
Fuck the fucking earthquake in Haiti. Fuck the piles and piles of dead. Fuck the election and fuck the devastating outbreak of cholera.
Fuck the fucking oil spill, and fuck the fucking oil spill photo shoot.
Fuck the February Snomageddon and fuck the December Snopocalypse. Fuck people being shocked about a fucking killer whale fucking killing someone at Sea World. Fuck the earthquake in Chile, fuck the mine exploding in West Virginia, fuck the fucking TSA getting all up in my fucking crotch. Fuck the Arizona immigration law, fuck the attempted Times Square bombing, fuck Don Draper crying.
FUCK Joran van der Sloot, that fucker. FUCKER.
Fuck that fucking terrifying egg recall.
Fuck bed bugs.
Fuck bullies, and fuck the fuckers who secretly recorded Tyler Clementi. That was fucked up.
Fuck the ban on Four Loko!
Oh my fucking God.
Fuck Ke$ha.
Seriously.
Please.
Fuck the recession, hanging around like the last damn drunk at the party. Get the fuck out.
Fuck! Blake Edwards died. Do you know how much I love Victor/Victoria?!?!?!
Fuck.
Dennis motherfucking Hopper died. That is some bullshit.
Dixie Carter died.
Corey Haim died.
Elizabeth Edwards died.
Rue McLanahan died! Fuck that.
JD Salinger died.
Fuck. We lost Alexander McQueen. FUCK.
Fuck breakups! BREAKUPS FUCKING SUCK. I want to stab breakups in the eye with a fucking fork and pour fucking alcohol on the fucking wound. Everybody fucking broke the fuck up. 2010 was not a year of love, it was a year of get the fuck away from me. Fuck Tiger and Elin, Sandra Bullock and Jesse James, Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson, Kate Winslet and Sam Mendes, Christina Aguilera and Jordan Bratman, Eva Longoria and Tony Parker, Courteney Cox and David Arquette, Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubry, Al and Tipper Gore. Fuck ’em. Fuck ’em all.
Fuck getting older, feeling like time is going faster and faster and it’s getting harder and harder to keep up. Fuck that the more things change, the more they stay the same. Fuck staring at a screen for 12 hours a day. Fuck the apathy, self-absorption and sense of entitlement it seems everyone’s chosen to cloak themselves with lately. Fuck toasting to douchebags, assholes and jerkoffs. Fuck despair, fuck the degeneration of the human spirit, fuck the pretty fucked American education system, fuck the completely fucked global ecological system, fuck the totally and utterly fucked idea of putting Snooki in a fucking hamster ball. OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK. Fuck fuckety fuck fuck fuck. Fuck a duck in a pick-up truck.
Mighty lord Zeus, God of fucked-up fucking (a swan? really?) fuck New Year’s Eve.
Fuck planning, fuck the cold, fuck booze.
No, wait! Booze is good!
And at least it will be a new year.
FUCK THIS YEAR.
Honestly.
Seriously.
For real.
Good riddance.
It makes perfect sense that one of the best songs of 2010 was called “Fuck You.”
Fuck.
You.