A baby penguin born at the Shedd Aquarium in Chicago has been identified as a girl.
HA. TAKE THAT, PATRIARCHY! According to NBC, the aquarium hosted a "gender-reveal party" to make the announcement. The chick (chick as baby bird, not chick as in what a really old dude in a bar drunkenly calls you ) was born in June.
Male and female African penguins, including the Rockhopper breed, appear physically the same, so the Shedd's veterinary team had to use DNA testing to figure out the gender.
The Shedd houses two kinds of penguins now: the Rockhopper penguin and the Magellanic penguin. Rockhopper penguins are known for their small stature, glowing red eyes, yellow plumes sprouting from their eyebrows and the tendency to jump in the water feet first. The rest of the penguins at the Shedd are preparing for another breeding season now. The Rockhopper penguin is listed as a vulnerable species by the International Union for the Conservation of Nature.
So, this little baby chick Rockhopper is officially a girl. Congratulations. (FYI "Rockhopper" is what Kate Winslet plans to name her next child.)
Is this big news? I don't know. Maybe. But we've been reporting on rapes, violent crimes, sad breakups, gross sexism, stupid laws, the literal obliteration of women from the pages of history, so you know what? IT'S TIME FOR A GODDAMN BABY PENGUIN. Seriously, we need more baby penguins! All your baby penguins are belong to us!