Yet Another Court Rules Against Religious Whore Pill Haters

Here’s an increasingly familiar story: a group of business-owning grown ups who believe things about birth control that are scientifically wrong has lost a lawsuit against the federal government. Related: How much time and money are anti-birth control zealots wasting filing lawsuits they keep losing? I’d be pretty bored with all this if I were a judge.

The lawsuit was filed by a Michigan Catholic family that just so happens to run a for-profit company called Autocam. Autocam doesn’t meet any of the qualifications necessary to exempt it from Obamacare’s contraception mandate, which requires companies of a certain size that are not religiously affiliated to provide copay-free birth control to female employees who wish to use it. Because the Catholic Church believes that Pope magic is more powerful and right than Science, the Kennedys subscribe to the demonstrably erroneous belief that hormonal contraception is an abortifacient and therefore egregiously wrong, and they claim that a law forcing a company they control to allow female employees to choose to use their insurance benefits to use contraception is a big time religious rights violation.

Sorry, but no, said Ohio’s Sixth Circuit Court. Here’s a recap of their ruling from the Toledo Blade,

The court ruled that the Kennedy family cannot use a private, for-profit, secular corporation to assert their own religious views. To rule differently, the court said, would “abandon corporate law doctrine at the point it matters most.”

“The decision to comply with the mandate falls on Autocam, not the Kennedys,” wrote Judge Julia Smith Gibbons.

The court, however, then went on to find that the corporations, Autocam, are not persons who can engage in “religious exercise.”

Your company is not capable of having and practicing religious beliefs. If it could, then why hasn’t Autocam had its first communion? If Autocam is so Catholic an organization, then why doesn’t the corporation have a confirmation name like Peter or John or Kateri Tekawitha like other good confirmed practicing Catholics? Can Autocam go to Confession? What if Autocam wishes to enter the priesthood? Is Autocam celibate?

Corporate personhood is absurd, but so is the idea that a zygote is the same thing as a fully grown, self-actualized woman. So I suppose it stands to reason that people deluded enough to believe the former would be nutty enough to believe the latter.