'World's Most Comfortable' Heel Guaranteed to Last A Thousand Years

Today at the Walgreens, I bought a pair of shoes. They are hideously ugly and will probably fall apart in a month, but they were $5 and I needed something cheap and comfortable to wear outside while I work on my garden. (Plus, who doesn’t love buying shoes in the same place you can buy booze? That is the American dream, clearly.) The shoes pictured above are obviously not those shoes.

The Borgezie Riviera Stainless Steel & Sterling Silver Stiletto is from House of Borgezie, ~~which is one of the great Knightly houses of Dorne in Westeros~~ a fashion house in England. Not only does the company behind these shoes promise this is the most comfortable pair of heels you will ever wear, it also guarantees they will last for a thousand years or they will give you your money back. In a thousand years. So great news for billionaire heiresses who plan to have themselves cryogenically frozen and brought back to life in the future.

Creator Chris Shellis says you can hand them down to your granddaughter, who will promptly look at you and say “Grandma, were you a secret assassin or something?” Because these shoes look like something the female henchman of a James Bond villain would wear.

Of course, if they really are that durable and comfortable, they could be a good candidate to wear to the Oscars, if Ryan Gosling finally accepts one of my numerous invitations to escort me.