Woman On Heroin Smuggles Gun Into Jail Via Vagina, Is Basically Magic

Josephine McAllister of Albuquerque , NM was recently booked on a grab bag of charges (including larceny, obstruction of the law and receiving stolen credit cards). But all of that wasn’t enough, so McAllister is also adding “hiding a gun in the privates” to her list of charges. Except her story needs some work.

According to the Albuquerque Journal, McAllister claims that the gun, which was hidden deep in her vagina and then snuck into jail where it was discarded (seems like a lot of trouble for nothing?) slipped into her genitals when she forgot it was in her waistband. But police who searched her say there’s no way that could have happened. In fact, anyone who took 11th grade physics could tell you that a vagina does not have the proper gravitational or magnetic force to attract a gun into its vicinity, much less all the way in. It would be believable if the gun was just found in McAllister’s underwear (“oh, it slipped”) but any further than that? I call shenanigans.

Police are also fascinated by McAllister’s sleight of va-jay-jay (thanks, Oprah!) considering how well they searched her. While officers understandably can’t stick their entire hands up every orifice (although the cough test seems to deal with that), they don’t buy the fact that the gun was in her waistband. At all. This gun, friends, snuck into jail via nothing short of actual magic or a real-life miracle like the ones Joel Osteen tells me about when I watch his show because he is very handsome.

McAllister, who’s been booked on the new charges has said that she didn’t really know what was going on that night because she was on just a lot of heroin.