Why Why Whyyy: Martha Stewart Is UNFORTUNATELY Making 3D Printed Stuff

Martha Martha Martha you perfect goddess human you: word comes that your company, Martha Stewart Wants You to Live As Perfectly As She Does Even Though She Knows You Won’t, You Schlub You Omnimedia, is going to start selling stuff that lets us use the fake technology known as 3D printing to make our own Martha-approved items in our own homes.

Some “experts” say that 3D printing is real, but I don’t buy it. Nevertheless, Variety reports that Martha has sealed a deal to work with MakerBot, a probably fake company that uses this fake technology to, idk, make fake stuff and charge people for it. (They will probably go to jail for this soon). In order to “print” your new Martha-approved “products,” you need to buy some sort of filament and I don’t know where you go from there, sorry, just the messenger here folks. This “filament” will allegedly allow you to produce a coaster, a napkin ring, a place-card holder and a votive holder. Stores in New York, Boston and center of the universe Greenwich, Connecticut will have the colors lemon drop, robin’s egg and jadeite available. As pictured above, at least those colors for these not real products are pretty, but still, this whole thing is very upsetting. Misinformation is everywhere, people.