After Lady Gaga (erroneously) won the award for Best Actress in a Limited Series or TV Movie over its rightful winner Queen Latifah during the 2016 Golden Globes, she was naturally verklempt, thinking what we all were: How? Her tablemates literally had to steady her, for god’s sakes.

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And so, when she walked to the stage, she bumped into Leonardo diCaprio’s chair. Clearly she was freaking out and didn’t notice—and therefore did not apologize—but as a person who attended junior high school and learned many lessons there, I have an alternate theory. I posit that Lady Gaga saw him laughing upon the announcement of her nomination—who knows why he was laughing, but we can imagine—and totally body-checked him on her way to the stage. Then he flashed a perfect “WELL EXCUUUUUUSE YOU” look and it was preserved on camera for us all to see and speculate. This is how fights get out of hand, people. I look forward to next week’s tabloids.


Contact the author at julianne@jezebel.com.