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Kathy Griffin, the comedian who has made a career out of interacting with people more famous than she is and then recalling those interactions with her trademark mix of self deprecation and nastiness, recently released a book filled with the stories that have made up her live sets for nearly two decades. We wrote about one involving Jon Hamm last week, but today we’re moving on to one of Griffin’s white whales. He’s Moby Dick, but in the shape of an actual dick. He’s Leonardo DiCaprio.

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Griffin’s story begins “at the 2016 Directors Guild of America Awards,” which she attended with her pal Lily Tomlin. In an effort to meet the Oscar-winning actor for the first time, she “stood up and said, ‘Don’t be a douchebag, Leo. Get off your fucking phone and say hi to the great Lily Tomlin!’”

She continues:

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“He either didn’t hear me or chose to ignore me. You decide. I repeated it until he finally turned his head, pulled his precious phone away, and kindly said hello to Lily. (He’s gorgeous by the way.) I said again, ‘Jesus, Leo, don’t be such a douchebag.’ He walked away and with an adorable smile said, ‘I am a douchebag.’ Touché, Leo.”

Good story! But it makes me wish his Oscar speech for The Revenant had been a little more memorable. Imagine him grabbing the statue, approaching the podium, and saying, simply, “I am an Academy Award winner.”