What in the Hell Is a Selfie Brush and Why Would Anyone Need One

By Night Editor | September 8, 2014 | 10:30pm

At long last, technology has finally figured out how to combine two of the most important activities on Earth—taking pictures of ourselves and brushing our hair.

In addition to the Selfie Toaster, we now are blessed with the arrival of the Selfie Brush. For those mystified (or perhaps terrified) by the words I just wrote, I have compiled a handy Q&A just for you. Enjoy:

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So, what the hell is the Selfie brush?

Well, as you have may have deduced it is a brush that doubles as a way to take selfies. Actually, it’s just an iPhone case that doubles as a hairbrush. So it’s essentially just slightly more sophisticated than duct taping your phone you an old brush you have.

Huh, why did I even bother to ask?

Don’t beat yourself up over it, because there is no way a normal human brain is capable of processing this concept without spitting the idea out like a piece of spoiled meat.

OK, so it’s basically just a brush? I have a brush. Why do I need this?

Well, to take the world’s most perfect selfies, that’s why!

How am I going to do that?

I don’t really know. But they do have a graphic that explains it all:

That really was no help at all. Why did you even bother showing me this?

I’m sorry. I’m just trying to help. There is another graphic that gives more info, but now I’m kind of afraid to show it to you.

No, I’m sorry. I really want to see it. What does this one show?

This explains all the different parts and how they work. In case you forgot how your brush and a phone both work. For example, there is a headphone jack so you can rock out to your iTunes while you brush your hair and take perfect selfies.

So I’m supposed to walk around with headphones plugged into a brush? And when I get a call I’m supposed to talk THROUGH A FUCKING HAIR BRUSH? People are going to think I’m completely insane. Is that what they want?

OK, I’m sensing a lot of hostility here. This is a lot of anger directed at me over a selfie brush.

Wait, I’m sorry. I know you’re just trying to help. Fine, so why else would I need this?

Well, the website says it won’t get lost in your pocketbook.

I’m not really that helpless, but OK. Alright, even though this is probably the dumbest fucking thing I have ever seen in my life, how can I get one?

Here is a list of distributors you can contact if you really want one. But you’ll have to stay with your shitty, slightly outdated iPhone 5 because as Mashable points out, the Selfie brush is not compatible with iPhone 6 yet. So take that into account when if you’re planning to upgrade your phone anytime soon.

Images via Selfie Brush.