Call now to chain a dragon. It only costs pennies — or whatever they use in the Dragon Kingdom (that's where Daenerys lives right?) — per day.

Look, I have to be real: I don't watch Game Of Thrones. For one it is too sexual and that makes me uncomfortable (because I don't see that well and am probably missing the good parts) and for another, it's just not violent enough. I would be the perfect person to do one of those "Game Of Thrones Described By Someone Who Is Drunk And Hasn't Watched the Show" videos and would be delighted to do one if the good people at Jezebel raised enough money to buy me a 12-pack of Bud Lite. What I am familiar with is how the SPCA ruined the song "Angel." I used to listen to that song in eighth grade and cry. Now I just shut off the TV and walk away in disgust. But GoT is taking it back.

I don't know exactly what Daenerys' dragons are doing to the poor countryside, but this hilarious video has fully convinced me that I should donate to keep them chained up. After all, being burned to a crisp sounds terrifying and I'm not willing to get a free cremation until I'm actually dead. Stop The Mother of Dragons now. (And stop Sarah M. while you're at it.)

[h/t The Daily Dot]