After a rocky attempt to get cool, Banana Republic is returning to its old, staid ways. Which is why I ask the following question: is the dress I was told to purchase in my email inbox today part of the new BR or the old BR?

Hello, gorgeous,” this email copy reads, taunting me, before specifying that they’re actually talking about gorgeous dresses. Okay, I’m slightly miffed, until I realize that they’re categorizing the above Ruffle Flounce Dress, which retails for $128, is 100% polyester and dry clean only to boot, “gorgeous.”

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According to the BR website, it has already been copped by several important style bloggers, who, in a brilliant moment of sponsored brand synergy, are offering it to their readers at a discount.

Is it a customer if they’re being paid? A question those of us who are a cog in the wheel of capitalism can only answer for ourselves

The Ruffle Flounce Dress comes in black, but it’s the “Tigers eye green” (Shere Khan rolling over in his big cat grave right now) that they seem particularly proud of. Either way, “The relaxed silhouette of this dress makes it simple to wear, but it’s the ruffle trim that will turn heads.”

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Consider my head turned! My version of “the dress” has only one review and that review happens to be five stars from a buyer in Louisville. If you hadn’t guessed by now, I must say, I do not agree with LouisvilleShopper, who says she plans to wear it “for work, drinks, etc.”

I would only wear this dress if the occasion on my social docket was burning in the fiery pits of hell.