Midterms are upon us, that special time in American politics when many important House and Senate races happen, yet basically nobody turns out to vote.

That's likely going to be true even in Texas's closely-watched governor's race, where State Senator Wendy Davis, who famously filibustered against a bill last summer designed to shut down the state's abortion clinics, is challenging Attorney General Greg Abbott—who, in the grand tradition of Texas Republicans, is kind of nuts. (A small taste: Abbott argued earlier this month that allowing gay marriage in Texas will increase out-of-wedlock births, somehow.) No Democrat has held statewide office in Texas for 20 years, and Texas Dems hope Davis could end their two-decade losing streak. She won't: the latest polls show her trailing Abbott by 15 to 20 points.

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But with the elections happening today, conservative columnists only have a few hours to get the last of their "Wendy Davis is a dangerous abortion-loving extremist" essays out the door. That's been the party line on Davis from the beginning, despite the fact that she's actually pretty moderate on abortion. She supports, for example, a 20-week abortion ban with exceptions for fetal abnormalities and maternal health. But since the moment Red State's editor-in-chief dubbed Davis "Abortion Barbie"—a nasty little nickname he's still quite proud of—there have been hundreds of essays on the same theme. (The National Review alone has written dozens, calling her, literally, an "extremist," a "fanatic," a "froot loop," and demanding proof that she'd really terminated two pregnancies for health reasons.)

This week, though, the American Thinker gave us a real doozy, possibly the winning candidate in the informal anti-Wendy Davis essay contest. In a piece titled "Dreams from My Uterus," Deborah C. Tyler pronounces Wendy Davis not a feminist, but a "gynecist." And what is a gynecist, you might ask? We'll let Tyler take it from here:

Gynecism promotes the political position that the primary and most essential power a female can hold is the control of her own sexual and genital functions. Gynecism sexualizes and sexually empowers girls and women throughout the lifespan and insists upon the absolute and sole right of a pregnant female to terminate her own pregnancy at any point. Some gynecists believe infanticide is also the right of the mother.

In other words, "gynecism" sounds a lot like someone who insists on having the final say in her own "sexual and genital functions." But Tyler insists that Davis is a symbol of a dangerous trend in American feminism, and, moreover, is a symbol of the Socialist Communist Marxist anti-Godery destroying America. Seriously:

The Godly men who founded this Republic objected to Redcoats tromping through their domiciles with muddy boots, and so codified the right to be free from unreasonable search and seizure in the Fourth Amendment to the Constitution. Not in their worst wig-spinning nightmares could they have imagined that amendment would someday be used to grant a Wendy Davis the legal right to kill her daughters in utero.

Gynecism, as a major political movement, is anti-God and anti-morality baked into Marxism and socialism. But its central tenet is so unnatural — that every human being begins life as a disposable object and ends life as a disposable object — it took one hundred years for Marx's theory of historical materialism to be expressed as gynecism.

At some point this starts to just read like word salad, a collection of buzzwords and increasingly unhinged adjectives, untouched by reason or even a competent editor (Tyler refers to feminism as both a "death cult" and " a cult of sex and death" in the same paragraph. That's just repetitive, Deborah).

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But it's certainly a worthy, albeit late, entry to the crowded field of crazed Davis essays. Anyone else? Time's running pretty short.

Image via AP.