Aspirational image via Shutterstock

When we aggregate, we seek to bring something new to a story. But there are times when an Omaha man finds a bunch of pot brownies, eats them, gets what a reasonable person would term “too high,” uses reprehensible language towards his cat, and crashes headlong into the stuff of local news headline-legend.


Please brace yourself for what the Omaha World-Herald just did, and what we are unable to build upon in any meaningful sense:

There’s hardly a need to go on here, but let’s do so anyway for the sake of emotional and narrative closure: the man found said pot brownies in the backseat of a car “that his adult children had used earlier in the day,” the paper reports. He did what dads do and he ate those brownies. He ate them all.


At some point, a little later, the man and his wife watched some television when he started acting in the manner of someone who’s unwittingly eaten a large number of enhanced brownies. Presumably terrified, she called 911:

Paramedics called to the scene who checked the man found his vital signs to be normal. But they noted he was displaying odd behavior — crawling around on the floor, randomly using profanities and calling the family cat “a bitch.”

The man told paramedics he felt like “he’s trippin’.” He declined their offer to be taken to the hospital.

The man got into bed. Omaha World-Herald staff writer Kevin Cole had a wonderful day, as did whoever crafted that flawless headline. Everyone is fine, save for the cat’s sense of self-worth.