Water On Mars? More Like Sneaky 'Leftist Agenda,' Argues Rush Limbaugh

You may have heard the news today that NASA discovered flowing water on the surface of Mars. Fascinating discovery, right? Not according to conservative talk show host and delusional pork dumpling Rush Limbaugh. As far as he’s concerned, this announcement is but a mere portion of the larger “leftist agenda.”

According to Politico, Limbaugh dismissed this fairly consequential news on Monday’s edition of The Rush Limbaugh Show, claiming that “he doesn’t believe it.” Rush Limbaugh taking an oppositional and unfounded stance? Mercy, what a world!

You can find a full transcript of Limbaugh’s bluster—oops, I mean argument—on Media Matters, with accompanying audio. Politico, however, has extracted some of the most salient excerpts:

“OK so there’s flowing water on Mars. Yip yip yip yahoo. Hey, you know me, I’m science 101, big time guy, tech advance it, you know it, I’m all in. But, NASA has been corrupted by the current regime…Don’t know how long it’s going to take, but this news that there is flowing water on Mars is somehow going to find its way into a technique to advance the leftist agenda.”

Huh. Ok then, Mr. Big Time Guy. I guess you know better.

Limbaugh isn’t sure what sorts of liberal shenanigans are afoot, but don’t think for one second that his claims are lost somewhere in the grass of left field. “I would assume [the agenda] would be something to do with global warming,” our Moral Crusader eloquently surmises.

Now, you might assume that, having said his piece, Limbaugh is basking in the triumph of righteousness. Not so, my friends. After all, it’s not easy being Rush, lone wolf in the pursuit of Truth. Here he is again, via Media Matters:

“Well folks, it never gets boring being right…Like I am. But it doesn’t mean it is any less frustrating. Being right and being alone is a challenging existence.”

A cross to bear, if ever there was one. But don’t stop believing, Rush — fight that speculative and groundless fight of yours. Yip yip yip yahoo.