Victoria Beckham's Diet Is Full of Secrets and Intrigue

DOES VICTORIA BECKHAM EAT? Maybe. And if she does, it’s probably weird. Right? Here are some important takeaways from a recent profile of the ex-Spice girl and current very thin celebrity Victoria Beckham.

First — let’s just get this out of the way — Victoria Beckham is thin. Very thin. To quote a profile from the New York Times’ T Magazine, “impossibly thin.” As in not fat. As in skinny.

Victoria Beckham herself, barefoot, T-shirted, skin glowing, so tiny as to appear to be in danger of dissolving into the furniture. She wore baggy, oversize boyfriend-y jeans suspended above her super-slim hips by little more than a casual canvas belt and a prayer, and she was surprisingly smiley.

So, so, so small. This profile of Victoria Beckham reads like something I’d write if I was deliriously hungry and unable to Tweet about foods I wanted to eat. The sort of hunger where it’s dangerous to go to the grocery store because I end up coming home with 5 kinds of fancy cheeses and a whole pound of those Whole Foods gummy stars. Dinty Moore Beef Stew in the can purchasing hunger.

But let’s get to the important stuff, namely: does Victoria Beckham eat, or what? I mean, as referenced above, she’s very thin, and women who are thin are unlikely to eat. (see: Science.)

At the moment, though, it was time to eat lunch. (Yes, she eats, though on the other hand she spends a large chunk of time each day doing a Tracy Anderson workout with a personal trainer.)

She eats, but she also un-eats. BUT WHAT EXACTLY DOES SHE EAT?

Lunch — corn soup followed by a salad of greens and fruit for Beckham; sushi for Beckham’s assistant and me; and a fruit platter for everyone — was prepared and served by a chef. “You are going to think this is real — this is what I get every day!” Beckham said. But it is not, apparently. “Chris” — that is the chef — “comes in a couple of days a week and might make a giant lasagna so I can put it in the freezer and then do it myself,” Beckham said. “David does the cooking.”

Victoria Beckham sometimes eats salad and sometimes eats food that she heats up in a microwave or toaster oven type apparatus. Fascinating. Later in the article, she jokes that she doesn’t want grapes included in a photo of her because she doesn’t want to ruin the illusion that she doesn’t eat; she doesn’t want to “ruin” some sort of fun secret mystery.

Thank goodness; I like to imagine that the rich and famous are so nutritionally deprived that they’re constantly experiencing gnawing, borderline intolerable hunger pangs. Otherwise they don’t want it enough.