Very Unchill Ted Cruz Told a Little Girl the 'World Is on Fire'

Senator Ted “the United Nations is trying to invade the U.S. and enslave us all” Cruz isn’t one to tone down his rhetoric for anybody. That includes a confused, terrified three-year-old in New Hampshire who didn’t understand that Uncle Ted’s fire and brimstone language isn’t meant to be literal.

From CNN, a scene during Cruz’s Sunday speech at Strafford County GOP event in Barrington, New Hampshire, part of his interminable plod towards announcing his candidacy:

“And the Obama-Clinton foreign policy of leading from behind — the whole world is on fire,” the senator from Texas declared.

But he was stopped by a 3-year-old girl sitting in the front row.

“The world is on fire?” she yelled out.

Cruz took it and ran with it.

“The world is on fire — yes! Your world is on fire,” he exclaimed, seizing the moment as the crowd burst out into laughter. “But you know what? Your mommy’s here and everyone’s here to make sure that the world you grow up in is even better.”

The scene — while cute — captured Cruz’s determination to remain unwavering in his views and language, never backtracking. There was no “just kidding” or “that was only a metaphor” to assuage the little girl.

Taking your kid to see Ted Cruz’s enraged funeral director act does sound like a fun way to spend a Saturday. Children need to learn at a young age that this world is terrifying, unpredictable and filled with greased-down men in rumpled sports coats yelling at you about Agenda 21.

CNN also notes, delightfully, that Cruz “snubbed a goat” on his way out the door. Bill Higgins waited outside for several hours with his goat Izak for a chance to meet Cruz. (The goat’s main claim to fame is that he once bit Jon Huntsman.) Higgins previously failed to introduce Izak to Jeb Bush, and the Washington Post reports that Cruz also didn’t seem to want anything to do with the goat, saying hello to Higgins several times but not pausing to pet Izak.

Quick poll: who’s unhappier — the three-year-old who has to watch Ted Cruz instead of cartoons, or the goat who has to wait around for the fleeting, once-in-a-lifetime chance to bite politicians?