Kim Kardashian's spit-shined ass is featured on the Winter 2014 issue of Paper, along with the cover line, "Break the Internet." ::Wakes up:: ::Checks on Internet:: No repairs needed. The Internet remains unbroken, so Kim's mission failed, literally.

But metaphorically, I guess that worked. Kim and her ass and her app and her selfies have been all over the news this year, so it's not surprising to see it yet again on a magazine cover celebrating her momentous 2014:

For our winter issue, we gave ourselves one assignment: Break The Internet. There is no other person that we can think of who is up to the task than one Kim Kardashian West. A pop culture fascination able to generate headlines just by leaving her house, Kim is what makes the web tick.

We tapped legendary French photographer Jean-Paul Goude to recreate his iconic "Champagne Incident" shot and all we can say about the images inside, which we'll be releasing this Thursday, is...holy fucking shit.

Indeed, the shoot features a photo of Kim balancing a champagne flute on her cheeks, which she jokes is, in fact, a talent.

Kim was no doubt drawn to the shock value of recreating a photo, and she was most likely giddily encouraged by Kris Jenner and Kanye West—"Babe, it's art. I love it. Awesome," he said.

Ye tweeted this in support:

A completely unsupportive Naya Rivera (you remember her from Glee, right?) allegedly wrote this silly comment on Kim's Instagram page. But bored fans love making fake Instagram posts, so it could be bogus.

I'm more annoyed by the IMpossible waist-to-ass curvature and the stack of pearls. Twitter has already commenced with its Photoshop theories.

RELATED: What happens when you search "Kim Kardashian" on Twitter:

Images via Paper