This Profile of Evgeni Plushenko's Wife Is Batshit Crazy Amazing

If you thought you liked figure skater Evgeni Plushenko, just wait until you meet his wife.

Associated Press reporter John Leicester got the treat of his life and delivered this amazing profile of the wife of now retired (BOO!) Russian figure skater Evgeni Plushenko’s wife Yana Rudkovskaya.

Let’s go over all the reasons why she is absolutely magnificent, shall we:

She wears a pink Chanel fur hat.
If anyone dares doubt her coat is Louis Vuitton coat, she will bust out a label flash and prove it.
She carries an Hermès
bag because Hermès “[is] a very simple and democratic brand.”
She produces music. One can only assume this music is the most glorious, epic music you will ever hear in your life.
She is “very famous. Top three in Russian woman.” (WHO ARE THE OTHER TWO?)
She named her baby boy Alexander. “Like Alexander the Great. The best name for a man in Russia. It’s very strong, also very lucky.”
She tried to give a cellphone cover that has a picture of her husband to a reporter as a gift.
She did this: